I received a call from a client from years back, could I come to a nursing home and bring a power of attorney form for his brother to sign. His brother was terminally ill and he needed to make his arrangements for hospice. I don't balk at these despite the overall unpleasant unspoken in the task.
The brother was 63, younger than myself, he had not taken care of himself through a hard life of improvident health practices and those practices were extracting a terrible toll. We finished and I left.
The next morning my assistant came in to tell me that she was not feeling well, I asked and she told me that she would not be able to come in the following day as her very best friend asked her to come to the hospital and sit with the friends husband, also terminally ill. The friend did not want her husband to be alone, but could not be there for him. My assistant is one of those types who can't say no to a person in need. So she will sit with the man for the day so her friend can go about making arrangements for her husband. He was described as someone who had it all planned and lined up, he is 59 and had his retirement planned for age 62, he worried about everything and worked at a job he vocalized dislike for. He never abused his body , but never attended to it either as he fear was they would find something. Late in the game they did, when he could no longer deny there was something.
I thought , sadly, that neither man had the full measure of his life, one in one fashion , the other performing work he hated to the point that he obsessed over his exit which he will be denied. This was followed by another couple of calls that put a damper on my mood. One from a friend who had moved away and was not able to find a job in the new location and was experiencing financial distress. I almost wanted to say come back here, but knew that waa no my place, as the original move was precipitated by this areas high cost of living and dearth of jobs.
Another friend called and needed some advice as he was having business problems which seemed to be coming from a substance abuse problem. I had never imagined him to have issues in that regard, but he went on to tell me that he had experienced anxiety and depression for years and he self medicated to the point where his judgment was impaired and he got into trouble. He is getting some help, but can't shake the use, even attending meetings is not scratching the surface. I understand the anxieties of a small business person, they are real and they are ever present. Deadlines and other time pressures had closed in on my friend.
I was left with the clear indication that none of the people I speak of used their time doing thngs that they enjoyed., the first man abused his body, the second man had a good job that he literally and viscerally hated, My friend in financial distress had a great love of working with horses, yet chose working in a bank for years as she denied herself the pleasure of what she really wanted to do. Lastly my friend followed his father into his profession with amazingly similar result
These thoughts were bringing me down and I was dwelling on their plight, I worried about these people, but then I started to realize that I had no control over their life choices. I will feel sympathy and at the same time gratitude.Again this sad picture got me to thinking and I come up with a picture that I have had it pretty damn good. Oh, there are the times when it all seems to crash in on you, but then there are those times that mere memory of bring an involuntary smile to my face..
Of all things that we are gifted time is among the most precious.
How do we measure time,? Some on the clock, some by calendar listing hours minutes, days weeks or months. But the true measure of time is experience. Did you experience the full measure of life that you believe you were entitled to.
All else is just the passage of time, it is not life.
