Liz was never any good at French. That's not what I've heard.
Tending to your flock is a part-time job. This week we welcomed back Billy, fresh from his rehab in a clinic that was, judging by his tan, located in Gran Canaria. He immediately started scouting around for an evening job because apparently being a vicar leaves him with loads of free time and he wants to top up his pocket money. I'm not sure I'd want the priest at my nan's funeral stinking of chip fat, but then I also wouldn't want the reverend shooting up smack in the aisle either so I guess I'm just old-fashioned. Billy managed to overcome the threat of eviction by moving in Shona as a flatmate-slash-chaperone; why he didn't pick up Summer and head off to that lovely wood-panelled vicarage attached to the church I don't know. He initially moved out of there in case his homosexual relationship frightened the more sensitive parishioners. Now Todd is off living in a forest somewhere, he can return home and properly attend to their needs. When he isn't doling out battered cod, of course.
Accountants are good with numbers... not so good with everything else. Jude took a moment from stacking the gift shop shelves while wearing a lobster hat to visit Angie in her new office. "He's definitely keeping something from me," said the woman who thinks a man who can't spell fish is a marine biologist. "I can tell when he's lying." Across Britain, eight million viewers snorted into their mugs of tea.
Tyrone is a litter lout. I understand having Abi - a woman I'm pretty sure Tyrone has never met before - lecture you on the correct way to adjust a steering column or whatever she was talking about must be frustrating (please note: I am not a mechanic). I also understand that being left with someone's half-eaten fruit is deeply unpleasant. However, there is absolutely no excuse for simply tossing apple cores over your shoulder into the street outside. I've forgiven your adultery, Mr Dobbs, and I've forgiven you using your daughter's illness to extract cash from well wishers, but being a litterbug is beyond the pale. Sadly they didn't show Gail subsequently whacking him over the head with a broom for messing up her nice clean driveway.
It's a long, long time, from May to December. Last year Corrie did a lengthy storyline about the dangers of young people getting sexually involved with people a lot older than them. So it's weird they've spent the past few weeks having characters getting sexually involved with people a lot older than them. There was Carla, romping with first Daniel, then Ali, like a backstreet Joan Collins. Now it's David, dallying with a girl who was at school with his niece. Admittedly, it's a much narrower age gap, but still: show some sensitivity. Still, it's not as bad as next week's storyline, when Rita reveals her secret love affair with Adam. The dodgy old/young relationships aren't all sexual: Simon is currently palling around with Tyler who, next to fresh-faced Mr Barlow, looks about 104 - when Asha asked for ID in the corner shop, he handed over his bus pass. I know it's easy to say Simon's behavioural descent is down to Tyler's influence, but I reckon there's a more malign power at work. Both Simon and David started out as adorable tykes who turned to pure EVIL, and what do they have in common?
PLOT TWIST: it was the rabbits all along.
If you know where I can get a tasteful bird feeder like Sally's to graciously enhance my outdoor dining ambiance, please let me know on Twitter @merseytart.
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