Well I hope you guys are doing good. It was great to read your letters. I appreciate them every week. I am insanely jealous of the Carpenter show, which sounds like it was awesome, and Mom, I am so glad to hear that you're loving your new job. Sounds like you chose well. I'm thrilled! I get so happy when I hear you guys are doing well.
This week passed by fast -- it seems like I was just writing my last letter to you guys. It has been a hard week but there have been surprising blessings along the way.
This letter is gonna be long. I guess you guys probably like reading my letters but just a heads up, and sorry about that...
To start things off, this week was transfers, so we worked really hard to get everything into place. It was really busy. We worked a lot. It wasn't anything real special, there was just a lot to do. Everything ended up falling into place for the most part though, which was nice. I'm grateful for the way the work in the office has been going. We do our part and it gets done.
I've seen a lot of my friends on the mission this week which has been so nice. Elder Guimarães got transferred back to Piracicaba (remember, my companion in Avaré) and he's been having a kind of hard time lately so we've been talking a lot and it's been really great to see him. He's going home this transfer, then in March he's going to the United States. He already has his plane ticket!
On Wednesday, we had a zone conference, and afterwards we were walking to the office and my companion started to really open up to me. He said he had been feeling really sad for no reason and that he had been so stressed that he had been dreaming about his work and he felt like he couldn't get away from it and he needed help. Then he sent a text to President and asked for him to come give him an interview.
I had a really powerful experience in that moment. I felt my attitude toward my companion change, where I suddenly felt this love and concern for him, and I had a really powerful spiritual impression, like God was saying to me "I love him too." God knows that both of us really need help right now and is putting His plan in motion to help both of us. I thought that was so amazing. That really was the turning point of my week and a very inspiring and touching moment for me personally. It changed my perspective.
Well, President Bangerter ended up coming and interviewing us. I was very honest and clear with him and told him about the experience I just wrote about. I also talked to him about what I want to get out of my mission and my worry that I feel sometimes that I won't do a good job. I even cried! (a little bit) Add that to my short list of people I've cried in front of. Well he was very kind and also very honest with me. We had a really good conversation. He said he thinks that I'm wonderful and doing a great job. He also said I'm doing a good job of working with my companion. I guess if your priesthood leader can authoritatively say that then you're on the right track. For me though the best part about the whole thing was that I didn't need him to say that to know it. Dad, ever since you sent me that talk a couple weeks ago I have been thinking a lot about the idea of standing confidentely in God's presence and how He wants that of us. These days, things have been starting to add up in my head a lot more. If God has given me so much reassurance, and I believe (and I have no doubt) that those feelings are from Him, then that's real! I can trust Him when He says "you're doing a great job" or "it's gonna be ok." I need to be humble of course but that doesn't mean I need to constantly feel guilty for my imperfections and be hard on myself. That is my tendency but I try hard to fight it. And I felt really confident and at ease with President Bangerter. He's not God, but I guess he's my priesthood link between me and God, so in an interview setting I think there is a similar idea. When I have feelings of self-doubt I can with confidence look to the feelings God has given me from time to time and know that I have His approval even if I'm not in the middle of a spiritual experience or something. So that was a wonderful experience.
And (drumroll please) some BIG news from the interviews is that President is going to bring another elder to the office to help divide the the workload. We're gonna be in a trio! We don't know who it'll be yet, or if it's gonna be now or at the end of the transfer, but it's a sure thing. It'll be really interesting to see who it is. I know that whatever happens I'll be ok. It's all part of the mission experience.
Right before I came on my mission I felt so happy and confident in my sphere. I was comfortable and I knew what I was doing pretty much all the time. It was so nice! Then I came on my mission and got the spiritual and emotional bagulho kicked out of me. Especially lately as you know I have been passing through a really hard, and for me, a dark time. Sometimes it has felt so hard lately that it seems like there is no end. With that thought in mind I decided to kill my lunch hour a few days ago watching a face2face with Elder Holland. At the very end he bore his testimony and talked about three titles for Jesus Christ. The first one is the bright and morning star, and said that no matter how long your night is, and even if for many weeks you feel like there will be no sunrise, spiritually speaking, it will come with as much certainty as the sun will actually rise. That touched me. I felt so comforted in that moment -- the Spirit washed over me and I felt so loved. I even cried a little bit. (I guess I have cried a few times this week.) But it was so touching to me to feel the Spirit confirm that at some point with a certainty I will feel comfortable and confident and in my element even though right now there are a lot of trials and that makes me feel weaker.
This morning I was reflecting on my mission, and I felt deeply grateful for my blessings. Time after time, it seems like I pass through something so hard I don't know how I'm gonna make it, and then through the grace of God I make it, and looking back I realize I've gained priceless spiritual knowledge I maybe never could have gotten another way. That's been the pattern for my whole mission. I don't always understand all my trials, but with time things usually start to make more sense. I guess God has been trying to teach me something, and I feel like I've been learning it. I'm only left to just feel gratitude and awe for having this instructive experience.
Anyway, I've written a lot, mostly because I like to hear myself talk, even if it's just in my head, but these have been the best and most meaningful experiences I've had this week. Thanks for being so great and for always loving me and helping me out. This is sure to be another great week! I'll let you guys know what happens. I'll take pictures too... sorry about that!! There just isn't that much to take pictures of here, and I'm lazy, so...
Thanks so much! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a great week!!!!!
Elder Sederholm