AMERICA, EVERYWHERE
"It was just the strangest thing," said Anne Jones of Indianapolis, Indiana. "My friends and I were using a Ouija board this morning to summon the spirit of my dead cat, when all of a sudden the letters spelled out: "'THIS IS MLK, JR. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET A HOLLOWED-OUT DECORATIVE GOURD WITH A BIGGER EGO THAN NARCISSUS HIMSELF BECOME LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. HECKUVA JOB.'"
Not even this tweet from Dear Orange Leader himself seems to have quieted Dr. King's restless spirit:
To the contrary, right about the time the President-Elect published this tweet, several witnesses inside Manhattan's Trump Tower reported hearing a deep, eerie voice in the hallway of the 13th floor moaning loudly, "STOOOOOOP TWEEEEEETING, STOOOOOOOOOOOP TWEEEEEEEETIIIIIING," and "GET OUUUUUT GEEEEEEEET OOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!"
Moments earlier, diners at the Trump Tower Grill(e) claimed to have seen the face of Dr. King in their stale pancakes, which if you held up in the right light made visible Dr. King's head slowly shaking back and forth with tears in his eyes.
Groundskeepers at the National Historic Site in Atlanta, Georgia where Dr. King is interred told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the ground beneath Dr. King's headstone appears to have shifted as the legendary champion of nonviolent resistance and all humanity literally rolled over in his grave at the impending inauguration of a bigoted, treasonous, mentally unstable spray-tanned simulacrum of Alec Baldwin to the United States presidency.