Umm....Well, there was an incident two weeks ago, behind the fridge. It may have technically been behind the washer but it ended up behind the fridge, for sure. But nobody saw! And it was all over in a flash, and a bang and then vaporized. I really do need to get that fridge checked by the electrician. purrs
And after that?
Er, well, maybe one under the bed the week after? It wasn't a dream, I'm sure it wasn't. I distinctly recall seeing it, as large as life. I'm sure it was there, sure as my nip stash is for er... recreational use, except on Sundays when I abstain.
But I hadn't had any of that, honest, you can ask peep's slippers, the new cat ones with the fluffy tail, they saw it too! OK maybe they aren't the best witnesses on account of not speaking, and being slippers, but that's not the point. If they could they would back me up on this, for sure.
Oh and one in the bath. That was quite a sticky situation that, or should I say slippy? Anyways I really do need to get peep to have nonslip matting put in and move that hair dye. I mean a TUX is only a TUX if black and white. Blonde does not cut it in the TUX CLUB Rule book, no ma'am, though it could account for why peep is so feather brained. purrs
And after, the after that, you say?
Well I have to say nothing comes to mind, at all. Not even a sniff or a glimmer anywhere! not even a spectre or shadow to be seen.
Is it me, doctor, am I going mad? The crazed Princess in the tower, crazier than a squirrel making nut pies kinda crazy, is that what they're calling me?
I just can't seem to catch any mice!
A mouse, a mouse, my Princessdom for a mouse!
****** Some time later ******
Yum-te-tum-te....... OOOH, a mouse, at last a mouse!
I see you, little mousie....
Come on.... don't be shy.
Come to little ol' ERin.... Ahem... strike that image. In fact knock it out of the ball park and just pretend that it didn't happen. In fact I never said, well you know, those words, that word, OK?
Good.
And whatever you do don't move... you hear? Good, I've got an eye on you, possibly three!
OK just run with it, and a one and a two and...Action!
Yum-te-tum-te....... OOOH!
I see you, little mousie....
Come on.... don't be shy.
Come to little young, and in prime condition, ERin.
Well?
You could at least say something, in fact you could look terrified and try to run away!
Tough customer huh? Strong silent type too. Well, if I just get my welcoming paw under here and .....
PEEPS! NO! Don't do that, you'll scare it away!
NOOO!
Of all the times to practice vacuuming, it has to be now. I mean I had it in my grasp, ready to snatch it away and... and... aww MOUSES!
Whats a cat gotta do to get a mouse around here? No don't answer that, I know you'll just give me some sob story about how you don't want any mice catching, and how I don't need to be doing it as I'm well fed....
But I'm a cat, and not only a cat, but the Princess in charge of mouse relocation and distribution. If it wasn't for me this Palace would be overrun with mice, distributed or not.
What?
I do not bring them all in, that is one of the conspiracy theories that just doesn't hold water, a bit like that cheap washing up bowl you bought!
A what?
Ooh so that's a colander, I never knew? But still, giving it a fancy name doesn't mean it's not faulty, and it's right up there with string vests and Gruyere cheese in my customer complaints file. Mouses!
Anyways, before you so carelessly and wantonly destroyed my grand coup de gras, not that I have any indoor grass on account of not wanting that lawn mower in the Great Hall, I had this mousie all lined up for supper and you scared it away, vanished at lightning speed it did. Not sure where but it wasn't in my tummy, that's for sure.
You do realise Ive not had fresh mouse for three week! That's months in cat time. I get cravings if I go without for too long. Start tearing around and chasing ghostly illusions. Chasing anything that's furry...
What?
What's that peep?
ME! Seriously? Absolutely not, I totally deny all knowledge as to why your fluffy slippers have holes in them.... even if they are tooth shaped holes.... and have claw marks.... and cat hair on them. Absolutely nothing to do with me, as though I would? purrs
Ooh, hang on! Look there's some over there, sitting in the shadows just under the sofa. Do you see? Boy these mice are getting brazen. They do look nice and tasty and fat, except that on the end, the one on that sweet wrapper stuck to it. Look, over there, beside the pencil and another of your stockings. This lot don't look like they have tails, must be a new breed. Still, makes them more challenging to catch.
Right peepers ol' vacuum challenged one, on my mark you start doing that vacuuming dance, you know, where you bang into things and knock them over, and that ought to get them on the run.
Me? Well, I'll be this side with my mouth wide open to get them as they comes out, of course.
Right, are we ready? Just nod....
Are we steady? Hmm, are you sure you've not been at the nip sherry? OK best you take the fifth on that.
Then GO!
NOOO! don't do that, you're supposed to send them my way, not suck them up!
What do you mean, they were dust bunnies. In my Palace? Bunnies, made of dust? So they weren't mice? Not even dust mice? MOUSES!You know what, I think I need a nap. This whole lack of mice thing is getting me down. Maybe I should call it quits. Maybe I should be a vegetarian?
I could do that, for sure, and I know for a fact that there's a breed of potato called a Couch that doesn't run very fast. And if I wanted a challenge I could always chase peas.
Yup I dare say I could make a far better job than you, remember I've seen the way you've chased them around a plate with a fork, and still not caught them.
Oh hang on, I forgot about THEM!
OK the whole vegetarian thing is off. Mice or no mice, there's no way this Princess will be chasing hoards of free range Brussels sprouts around the Palace, and what if they got behind the skirtings and started breeding. MOUSES!
OK peep, I've seen the future, and it doesn't have sprouts in it! You get that vacuum warmed up and I'll round us up some dust bunnies!
~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~