Three Years

Stopping to reflect


Every once in awhile you ought to stop and think about something other than yourself.  I like to think that I do that occasionally. 

The other day my wife commented that the third anniversary of her mother's passing was at hand.  A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then.  In rapidly succeeding order my mother and my friend died.  The next years were difficult for a number of reasons, but we rebounded and entered a period where we can look back.  The passage of loved ones is always tough.

But we think back to times that were just as tough and how people got through.  My mother in law and my mother were daughters of the depression era, lived through the second world war, raised families  and passed on a lot of good things. My friend at age 14 walked from Yugoslavia to Paris France, where he was given refugee in post war France by Americans , who arranged his transport to
America.  He told me stories of sleeping in trees and tying himself in so he would not fall out as he slept.  They slept in trees to avoid the bandits on the roads at night.  He told me of months working at a olive farm in Italy to earn enough to eat, and then on to a vineyard, and then on to construction of a war destroyed church, eventually arriving in Paris.  For my mother raising nine children it probably wasn't much easier.  And for my mother in law who worked nearly her entire life--and forever had two jobs.

Capacity for work , being number one among the traits that seemingly passed to their children.  An innate generosity of  heart seems to be present.  I look at our families and they all seem to be decent people, harboring few prejudices or animus.  They got alone because they get along.

I recall my mother in laws interaction with my children when they were young, following the passing of my father in law , and how they formed a unique bond with her.  That bond being the reason why their grief at her passing was so great and remained raw for a long time after.  Even the telling of funny stories of their grandmother was  sort of off limits, lest it be considered disrespectful.  But ohh, there were the funny stories, which really does speak to the good times.  The where is my purse, or the walk on the beach while wearing pantyhose.  Being able to see those good times  is importance.  For some difficult years of health failure followed.  One should not gauge the relationship  on any one aspect.  But on the overall.  And in thinking about three years ago, the relationships must have been strong.


So strong were they that people willingly put themselves out to help their mother in the most difficult times of their lives.  It was something to see.  Selflessness is a beautiful thing when viewed from the position of observer.  When you see it, watch it and try to emulate it.

There was a lot of selflessness in my mother in law and in my mother, I like that no small measure of it has been passed down , for I get to see it in brothers and sisters and in my wife.  I hope to live long enough that I can see it shine in my children.   It makes the world a little bit better.

  So after three years I can see that these mom's like so many others have tried their best to make the world just a little bit better. Smart, tough, generous and selfless in a package.

Something that we need now more than ever. Smarts, toughness, generosity and selflessness.