So, I was just pondering the marvels of nature, as I do, on the way back from the fields of my labour, when I noticed this rather nice new patch of black loamy stuff on the Palace drive.
Now I don't know about you, but I do like a bit of a roll, helps stretch the back muscles after a long hard day hunting and nothing finer than a fresh patch of loamy stuff. Now I do hasten to add that being a TUX I do take special care to only roll on my back when rolling in black, else the lovely white bits will end up gray, and contrary to fifty shades of gray being the new black, it is definitely NOT the new shade of white!
Now it was whilst upside down that I spied that the kindling pile was getting low.
Whats that you say peep? I wrote about that last week you say? Well of course I did, silly peep, now I wouldn't be writing about it next week would I as that wouldn't have happened and I don't have any means of time travel to get there, and I'm fairly certain your Senior Citizens Bus Pass does quite reach that far. purrs
Er, hang on peeps, why are we even having this conversation? I mean if I want to write about kindling I shall after all there are many meanings, and an inquiring cat Princess needs to know about such things. For starters there's the kindling embrace, or the kindling of eggs, umm.... oh and the expression of pain.
What? you mean that should be cuddling and coddling? Well, this Princess does not want any smelly piscium fishy embrace, that's for sure, I'll have all the wrong sort of seagull come round, not that I know any of those feathered rogues.
Anyways you can't tell me the expression of pain is wrong, as I distinctly heard you yell that as the hand ax went into your finger and the blood came out. Mouses!
But I digress, what I needs to say is, what's with all the smut?
What?
WHAT!
Now hang on just a nip filled mouse minute, I refute the allegation one hundred percent.
Utterly....
Totally.....
****** Sound of leafing pages ******
and now I think about it...... and with the help of my Kittipedia.....
COMPLETELY!
In the words of the great Pirate, and all round hot dude, Captain Jack of the Sparrows, "This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost didn't caught a mouse"....
Hmm not that saying... maybe "If you chose to lock your heart away, you'll lose it for certain!" OK so whilst that is pertinent to you, peeps, it isn't relevant to the whole smut thing either.
OK, bear with me will you as I'm sure it's here somewhere... what about "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem."
Well that definitely sums things up well. Good ol' Captain Jack, *Sighs* I wonder what happened to him?
Anyways peeps, the whole thing I am saying is, it's NOT my fault and I am NOT, SMUTTY!
Mouses! you really do come out with some things, and heavens knows the popular press would have a field day, or an indoor day if it was raining in the field, and I and the Palace would be in ruins, which to be fair, the palace some days looks quite like. purrs
Maybe best I have a precautionary non smut press announcement to say that I am not smutty and have no intention of being so, should the circumstance arise when peeps might think I possibly might be.
The problem my confused pal is that you are confused. Just because the re are signs of evidence doesn't mean it is my evidence or in deed related to me, yours truly, moi!
So ol' peeps the problem really is not that there is smut, but why you think I am responsible for said smut and where did said evidence came from and even why it is there.
WHAT!
Now look peeps ol' grubby one, standing there looking like a rose with powdery black smut... er... sorry powdery mildew and black spot, which I hasten to add is nothing to do with the Black spot Captain Jack had that time.... Oooh now there's a thought, maybe Captain Jack has been around and left all that smut on the wallpaper and floors and on the duvet..... you know what these hardened criminal types are like, always leaving black spots and smutty paw prints all over the place, everywhere.OK so maybe the paw prints aren't Captain Jacks, but could have been the ships cat, I mean they do have ships cats you know, to catch the ships mice and the ships rats, stands to reason they might get a black mark or two themselves, especially if they didn't pass their exams in walking the plank.
And now I think on it, I do recall a very large black spot on the Palace drive, with some decidedly dodgy looking paw prints in it and it had a really soft sort of loamy feel with a hint of salty grit to it too.
What? Well I hardly think the absence of a sea port at the Palace or indeed within 60 miles would be an issue, we do have a mote you know, he could have caught the bus and moored there!
Hmm, peeps ol' pal, that brush you're waving around, that brush with all the black stuff on it, the black stuff that looks like black smutty stuff, that wouldn't perchance be soot, would it?
Soot, as in soot from the chimney that we not long had swept?
And that large black spot on the drive, that wouldn't perchance be, maybe, a pile of chimney smut cum soot?
WHAT! you mean this Princess has been rolling in THAT! like a common.... er.... common something or other that rolls in soot! Mouses!
I feel feint, to think my lovely fur has been sullied by burnt wood and your bad cooking, which are very similar when it comes to it. purrs
I do think I need to lay down for a bit, maybe find a proper sand patch to have a bath in.
Ooooh.... now if I head down to the beach by the moat, I could put up a flare, or maybe line up some mice in the sand to form the letters SOS and get that lovely Captain Jack of the Sparrows to come by and save me...... Least ways until tea time! purrs
I hope you enjoyed this weeks tale of an everyday Princess, at her Palace. Till next time, have a wonderful week! purrs ERin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
