1. Which of the following things make Donald Trump "VERY SAD?"
(a) That The View is in a free fall thanks to Whoopi Goldberg
(b) That jobs are being shipped overseas (except for the jobs in China and Bangladesh that made his coats, ties, and water bottles)
(c) CNN's low ratings
(d) Crying babies
(e) All of the above
2. Who does Donald Trump hate the MOST?
(a) Fat chicks
(b) Losers
(c) Muslims
(d) Dishonest Mainstream Media
(e) Fat Muslim chick-losers who are also members of the dishonest mainstream media
3. Which of the following Common Core third grade spelling words has Donald Trump misspelled on Twitter?
(a) Skipping ("Skippen")
(b) Honor ("Honer")
(c) Temperament ("Temperment")
(d) Dumber ("Dummer")
(e) Lightweight Choker ("Leightweight Chocker")
4. What are "many people saying?"
(a) That Obama is a Kenyan-born Muslim
(b) That Obama and Hillary Clinton co-founded ISIS over Dippin' Dots in the White House cafeteria
(c) That Hillary Clinton murdered an Iranian Scientist with her private email server
(d) That Trump's Cologne "success" is "the best scent"
(e) All of the above
5. Which of the following media outlets is VERY DISHONEST?
(a) NBC
(b) CBS
(c) CNN
(d) The New York Times
(e) The Washington Post
6. Which of the following Amendment Peoples is least likely to help Trump win the election?
(a) Second Amendment People
(b) Nineteenth Amendment People
(c) First Amendment People
(d) Fifteenth Amendment People
(e) Fourth Amendment People
7. What is Russia?
(a) Part of the Ukraine or Crimea or a peninsula somewhere around there. Or something.
(b) A place from which Trump gets lots of rubles
(c) Home of Trump's boyfriend Vladimir Putin
(d) A place where oligarchs sit on elegant gilded thrones at dinner
(e) All of the above
8. Which of the following is Donald Trump's favorite go-to style hack?
(a) Porcelain veneers that look like peppermint Chicklets
(b) Bad hair weaves
(c) Spray tans
(d) Nicer suits than the ones he makes in China and Bangladesh
(e) All of the above
9. Which of the following best describes the color of Donald Trump's spray tan?
(a) Fascist Cantaloupe
(b) Burnt Sienna Stalin
(c) Rabid Orangutan
(d) Tangerine Trotsky
(e) Casino Gold
10. Which of the following topics will be covered on Trump's "ideological test" for individuals entering the United States?
(a) Basic spelling skills
(b) Basic empathy skills
(c) Basic understanding of the Constitution
(d) Limited use of Twitter
(e) All of the above
11. Would Donald Trump fail his own "ideological test?"
(a) Yes
(b) Fuck yes
(c) Definitely
(d) Obviously
(e) All of the above
12. Which of the following are "crooked," "outrageous," AND "unbelievable?"
(a) Hillary Clinton
(b) The Mainstream Media
(c) That fallen soldier's Gold Star parents
(d) Donald Trump's dick
(e) Donald Trump's tiny little fingers
13. Why won't Donald Trump release his tax returns?
(a) He's a tax cheat
(b) He makes a lot less money than he claims
(c) All his taxes are sheltered in Moscow real estate
(d) His only charitable contribution was made last year to the National Association of Man-Boy Love
(e) All of the above
14. What is "gonna be 'YOOGE?'"
(a) Donald Trump's loss in November
(b) The number of toxic bigots who now have permission to say "whatever is on their minds"
(c) The volume of barf women produced after hearing Trump wanted to date his daughter
(d) The wall Trump is gonna build between the U.S. and Mexico
(e) All except (d)
15. What is Donald Trump's favorite food?
(a) KFC eaten with a knife and fork
(b) McDonald's
(c) Hispanic Taco Bowls
(d) Russian Pierogis
(e) All of the above
16. What will be the cornerstone of Trump's "extreme vetting" of immigrants?
(a) That they are white
(b) That they are female
(c) That they are tall and thin
(d) That they are models who will in theory fuck him sans Viagra
(e) All of the above
