Big news out of Clevleand tonight.
Our sources there and contacts at NASA headquarters in Houston have confirmed what both astrophysicists and Republican Party operatives have long predicted: Ted Cruz's failure to officially endorse Donald Trump for President has ripped a massive black hole in the very fabric of the universe.
"The force of a collision between two assholes of this magnitude is immense. It cannot be overstated," said Dr. Samuel Smith, chair of the astronomy department at Stanford. "It's like ten million Hiroshimas, but with more booing and uglier T-shirts."
Asked about the impact of the spatial tear on the long term health of the universe, Dr. Smith was circumspect.
"It's hard to say. We might all literally be pulled back in time to before the Big Bang. At least then none of us would have to argue that science is real, because we'd all just be cosmic dust."
