Erm...
Nah, can't be?
Hmm...
Maybe if I squint...
Nope, still doesn't look right...
I just can't believe it?
Could I really have missed it... could I have imagined it?
No way I could have missed something that big... in fact no way could I have missed something NOT that big!
What the dickens!
Ooh my word!
PEEEEEEPS!
PEEEEEEPS! I've been ROBBED!
****** Thundering of feet ******
... look out, steady on peeps, mind that.............. mouse... Aww mouses, there goes my supper. Mouses!
Well now your here, I really do need to have a word about my desk... you know the one, the big dark black and brooding thing I slave away at day and night?
OK, so maybe slave away is a bit strong, but I do work very hard at what I do, in fact I'm fairly certain there is no other princess who puts quite so much effort into her work in this Palace as this Princess of Mouses does, not that I'm bragging, no ma'am as that would be quite wrong and not the done thing, but day and night I sits here and types away, recounting the perils torments trials and tribulations....
Er... peeps, whats a tribulation? If it's a group tribbles, those small furry things I saw on the TV series about celebrity walking holidays, Star Trek, I think we may have a problem, not least because those little guys breed like rabbits... er... tribbles, and eat everything in sight. And there is no way I want my cheese and cream supply ravished by small furry cute creatures, that's my job! purrs
Anyways, back to my this here desk. well back to that there desk.... Hmm, OK back to a desk that should be here and was here and now isn't. In fact an ex desk, my desk, a desk I have much fondness for and has served me well, through thick and thin, war and peace which stopped the and the great Nip riots of 2014.....
EEEEEEK! My shelf, what's happened to my shelf! They've pinched MY shelf too, I've been desk and shelf napped!
Oh my, I feel feint. I loved that shelf, I did, and it served me well through good days and bad, hell and high water and the Great Mouse Shortage of 89. OK, to be fair I got a new delivery of 96 mice the next week so that sort of doesn't count, but the thing is that shelf was my superhighway between the book case and the window in my office, a valuable shortcut that trimmed time off my journey between nap... er.. between important meetings and observation on the social diversity and natural history of the estate. purrs.
I can see your lost for words peeps ol' pal as your mouth is opening like a goldfish, shock I suspect, so fear not, I have a plan to get my desk and shelf back and there's no time to lose. Get on to Scotland Yard. No, wait, get Wales Yard and England Yard as they're much close to us and will get here quicker!
In fact whilst you're at it, call 911, call the Flying Squad, SAS, Navy Seals and Batman, and definitely DO call Squirrelman as if there's a tough case to crack, he's your man, er... squirrel, er... nut cracker! purrs
No need to interrupt peeps ol' pal, leave this to me, I have contacts in the underground and in high places not to mention the Cabinet. Technically its the China Cabinet but now isn't the time to be being picky concerning it's disguise, and the door mouse in there assures me that it links directly to the library and the pantry, and we all knows behind every good feline detective is a large selection of cook books and a well stocked pantry, and creamery. purrs
WHAT! No I don't just mean moles and sparrows... OK yes I do, but they are mighty fine when it comes to digging up clues and spreading the word on the street. purrs
Now say no more, peeps, ol' recumbent one, I know you want to join in on this, make calls and direct operations, but I think it best that I direct things from up here, do some flyers showing my desk and shelf and have them distributed around the outlying homesteads and the local police forces. Maybe even get hold of a film crew and do a piece for the evening news, and papers too. With luck I can have my prized possessions back by dusk, and the perps thrown to the Kraken that my pal Basil, the Bionic Cat, kindly lent me this week. I know it must be hungry as I swear we've had a different post delivery man each day this week. purrsHop to it, peep, standing there really won't achieve anything useful now will it...
****** Winding whirring sound ******
Er... peeps, I'm getting this strange feeling things are moving, and I don't mean my lunch that I'm sat on.....
Eeeek! the ceilings collapsing! Peeps, call 911, the Air Force, and the insurance, I think we've got subsidence in the roof!
Whats that peeps ol' mumbling one, spit it out pronto, for if there's a ceiling to redecorate, it's best sorted ASAP....
What? my desk hasn't been stolen, just upgraded with the emphasis on the up?
What? A new desk you say, a moving desk as in a desk that goes up and down at the crank of a handle? and I'm sat on it.... at this very moment... as in right now?
WOW, that's so cool and way better than that nasty old thing I had, I really must thank those burglars!
Who'd have thought, I've a desk that flies, and in white too, how very ethereal. In fact I can feel the clean air and a sense of flying with the birds as we speak...
What? Ooops, sorry, I wondered what happened to that sparrow. I'll have the cleaners see to those feathers just as soon as I've taken my new desk for a test flight.....
OK peeps, crank that handle like you've never cranked before and wind me to the top, there's a spider in that corner I need to have words with...!
~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~
