Look peeps ol' chubby one, and I mean that in the nicest of ways, I am not fat, nor am I chubby, rotund, plump, obese, or over weight...
Nor, am I a GLUTTON!
.... and before you mention the consultant again, I'll have you know what passed between she and I had consultant-client confidentiality.
What do you mean by "well who pays the bills!" What do birds have to do with this, I mean I don't go and see them when I want a check up now do I, hmm though it might explain the chatter coming from the accounts section. purrs
Anyways this here Princess is not a glutton.... look, I'll just get my kittipedia out....
****** Sound of pages turning ******
Here, see, it says one with a voracious appetite for food, prone to eating to excess, devoted to eating... I could go on, but none of these relate to me.OK, so I like the odd mouse and I've never been shy of a sparrow, but I certainly don't gorge myself. Take last week, I had only half a sparrow on Monday, you know, the one under the bed to the left of the mouses tail? OK so you don't know that one, but that isn't my fault, heck do you expect me to do everything around here and the cleaning. Mouses!
And then on Thursday there was the Blackbird I brought home, you must have seen that, surely! I left a trail of those soft downy feathers for you to follow, yes? no? well OK, that will be surprise for later in bathroom 5.
Oops, forget I said that as it won't be a surprise if you remember, but the whole point was, and the point you will have to forget is, that that there blackbird is one hundred percent alive and intact. OK, maybe 98.7 percent intact on account of the feather outage.
Hmm, best make that 97.5 percent intact on account of the poop. A fair bit of poop, in fact, so lets just say with a variable amount of intactness but one hundred percent aliveness that there bird was not eaten, no ma'am. I didn't gorge or glutton myself one bit, heck there is nothing worse or socially unacceptable than trying to stuff a blackbird in after two mice, and a sparrow turnover with cream and nip sprinkles. purrs
Whats that you say? it's gluton and not glutton you say? Well if that is a round about way, and when I say round I don't mean a non slim way of saying I'm one "T" short of being fat, then I'll just have to take my presents elsewhere! the library is always nice and hot this time of year. purrs
What? oh you mean gluten as in the mix of proteins found in the endosperm of wheat and such like, that makes bread swell and all fluffy, that gluten. Well why didn't you say so in the first place and save all this idle chit chat. Mouses!
Hang on a moment, are you saying I look like a fat fluffy loaf of bread!
Anyways, why have you bought all this food with glutton free... er... sorry gluten free on it? I'm sure that it's just going to be another of those crazy fads that you go through, like the pizza only diet where you actually ended up looking like a pizza on account of all the fat.
Really! you mean you're the one with glutton problem... er... sorry I meant the gluten problem. OK so I actually I may have been right about the former but I shall let that pass....... just wait till I tell my consultant about this, and I do think we ought to have a chat about who pays the vet bills. purrs
****** Later that evening ******
Hmm....
Umm.....
Peeps ol' non slimline one.... I've been thinking about this gluten free diet you're on, this diet that is free from gluten, it means you have none of those stodgy foods like pizza, or noodles, or pizza with noodles, right?
OK, I take it that glazed look as a yes. So, if I know my math, no stodgy foods means low carbs, and low carbs means more protein and more protein means you'll be needing more meat like things, things like chicken or fish..... or like mice, yes?Just nod and smile, OK? good.
So on this diet, familiarity with your food, something I don't have a problem with due to saying hello to mine before I eat it, will be important. So I figure you will need more pizza like things without the pizza base..... like cheese maybe? And when it comes to dessert you will need things to make up for the lack of cake, like custard, maybe even a splash of cream for variety?
Peeps, I have a plan! I shall help you resolve your diet dilemma, and it will be tough to start with I know, but I shall be there for you all the way.
In fact I promise to eat with you every day, to share the mental strain of the transition to the new diet, mouse for mouse, three year old mature Canadian Cheddar bite for bite, and churn for churn. No need to thank me, it's the least I can do for a peep in need. purrs
Now where did I put the keys to the cream vault, I do think we should start this new protein diet ASAP!
~~~~~~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~~~~~~
