Footprints

I had just read a story where a man related that an alarm clock , unwound and unset rang at the precise time of his dear father's death. His was a particularly poignant story of love for his father who had died by his own hand, but had lingered for several days in a hospital after his attempt. The suffering the pain of overwhelming depression motivated the father's  act.  The writer found a sign in the clock. It was clear the author of the account was sorely missing his Dad.

Many people seemingly have found similar signs of the presence of their loved ones. We never seem to fully get beyond the passing of a loved one.  There is always that reaching out.

I recalled one time where a couple of months after the sudden passing of a much loved dog, as I stood over the spot where his cremains were buried in the back yard that a beautiful big brown butterfly came and alighted on the fence post  a foot in front of my face as I raked leaves on a stunning October day.  The butterfly had the precise coloring of the dog,  The dog was the most beautiful of all our dogs. Our dog had died while being boarded while we were on vacation and we never got to say good bye.
I took it as his sign that he was somehow still present. And this was a dog, think of how people affect us.

I take my cue from things that I have a personal connection with.  Now , only once have I been contacted by a deceased relative in person .  Read it again, because I mean it as I wrote it.  My brother who had died of colon cancer  stopped by one time about two months after he died to tell me not to worry  that he was OK.  It was so vividly real and so reassuring and so personal that it surely was more than a dream.  A month later I said to my sister in law  at a social gathering  that she would think me strange, but you will never guess what happened.  She stopped me and went and got two other people and when she came back she said: "He came to visit you too"  She then told me the other two were also visited with the same message our stories mirrored each other with frightening similarity.  That was years ago.

My sister in law moved away from the area, but she contacted me last year.  She sent me a note with the story  that she would frequently walk in the woods and would talk with my brother, as they were outdoors types.  She also told me that she talked with him frequently.


We never really leave each other , and that somehow is a comforting thought.  We move along at different speeds , but we always remain for each other in some way.

She never really found anyone else to take his place after he died.  They were a wonderful couple, because they were wonderful people. Although he was younger than I , he taught me to ski and got me interested in bike riding and in hiking.  He and I and another brother had shared four unique summers when we were teenagers.  So we shared experiences and understanding of each other that needed no articulation.   My sister in law was of similar style, outdoorsy and just a pleasant person with good humor, even in the face of adversity.

But in her note she told me that she always felt the presence of my brother about her and that he was there in the manner of a protector or sounding board, in the manner of Patrick Swayze in the movie  Ghost.  So strong was the feeling that she explored it with a University Department of Paranormal Studies, one of whose professors got the sense of him through her.  I was amazed and amused that a major university had a school of paranormal studies, I mean a major university.  Nevertheless  I knew none of this and that over the course of time that she had consulted with the specialist over her feeling of presence.  That specialist is apparently a medium (albeit less publicized) in her own right and she was also uncannily accurate in her reading, so my sister in law was impressed, probably impressed also with the attempt to scientifically study the phenomenon rather than make it into reality TV.

About a year ago she went to her paranormal expert to express her dismay over the seeming inability to communicate with her deceased husband, my brother.  My sister in law was saddened that he had apparently decided to check out without a trace.   Out of the blue, the paranormal professor/medium told her to be patient as her husband had to leave to be with his brother, as his brother was very ill.
I was that brother.  My sister in law did not know of my illness and the professor certainly did not know about me 1000 miles away.  She told me this story months later when I was on my way to recovery, at that point I came to know that our friends and loved ones do not leave us.  We need to know that.

It is Thursday , the day when my old friend would usually stop in to talk to me.  He was the wizened old man who passed a couple of years ago.  He , the man who never learned to read or write, yet he worked hard and saved and became something of a success. He who walked across post war Europe at age 14 to escape to America, bringing his Muslim faith and ways.  He had no one to talk to , he  would say, but I always have you and you never turn me away.  I am feeling his presence today, I am feeling he wants me to know something .  I just wish I knew what it was.  I am getting the feeling that it has to do with how we got along so well, he a Muslim, me a Christian. 

It is St. Patrick's Day, so maybe my departed Irish side is watching over me.  I like that idea.    I liked the story of the man and his father and of the depth of their love, not for its sadness ,nor for tragedy but for the love..  I liked the idea that we are always there for each other if we allow ourselves to be.