Do the Dad Thing

Daughter 230 miles away calls, says it looks like the car is smoking from under the hood right side. And there is a terrible smell when I turn the defroster on.

What is it ?

So, I have to ramp up from contract for sale of business to automotive diagnostics  in the space of  4 seconds.  Putting aside the contract and the point I wanted to make sure was not lost by the client I  imagined myself opening the hood and looking into the compartment.  This 4 second shift is about 2.5 seconds too long for the likes of the child on the other end of the phone.  At second 3, a  Well ? is registered in my noggin.  So I start through my diagnostic.  This is a routine I have gone through before, it never ends well for me.  Somehow I am pronounced to be of limited mechanical capability, ( of which I am not)  or of little assistance , (of which I am not).  So I am ever hopeful that this conversation will go better than the last remote assistance call.

Ah, the questions, does it smell musty ?  Answer it smells awful, it is a horrible smell.

I explain that sometimes moisture condenses in the ventilation system and when you turn it on the musty smell comes out, similar to turning the heating system on in the late fall.  I don't think so she says .

Does it smell like antifreeze ?   I don't know what antifreeze smells like, said with annoyance in pointed reply.  Why not ?  Think I silently.  How is it that you don't know what hot engine coolant smells like.  If you are amongst those who don't , I want you to go out in the driveway run the car for a half hour and then open the coolant bottle and stick you nose in and take a strong pull.  That way if you are ever asked if it smells like antifreeze you will be able to answer with authority.  Get on with it.

Ok, back down the  annoyance, one annoyed person per conversation is more than enough. A woman with a car problem is an annoyed person from hell.  I think because they have no knowledge of the workings of cars.  Most women do not, no jab at women, because most men do not either.  I have seen men drive their cars the full measure of their 36000 mile lease without ever changing the oil, mistaking free maintenance with maintenance free---this is the honest to goodness truth.  Our disconnect with being able to do things is profound.  I have brothers and brother in laws who are capable of doing many many things mechanically and in the area of fix up, yet their offspring would not be able to even begin the task.  My father demanded this type of thing of his son's and we learned, somewhat grudgingly and it has served us well. We have done a great disservice to our children in not teaching them. 

I am not going to open the hood because I  won't know what I am looking for, says she .  Ok, fair enough, I think.  Here is what you do,  shut off the defroster and the heating system, for the logical problem for smoke , which is most likely steam and smell in the passenger compartment is the heater core, cut off the flow to the heater core where the leak probably exist and the problem is temporarily solved.

Feel the floor on the passenger side and see if it is wet, leaks frequently are detectable there.  It will need to be checked.  Make an appointment with your mechanic.  I don't have a mechanic.  Oh , did I not tell you to ask about and find a local independent mechanic who comes recommended by friends and co workers as being fair, skilled and easy to get to.  Oh, well do that now.  Your alternative is the dealer 3 towns over at 90 dollars per hour. In the meantime take it to Jiffy Lube and have them check your coolant level, make sure it is filled.

Oh, I forgot to tell you it made a noise before it smoked. Like what kind of noise, a squeal, a clunk, a bang .  Maybe a clunk.  Now I am thinking a thrown belt. 
Shut off the heat, drive it around the block listen for noise.  No noises and drove ok.  Ok , check the fluids and get it in to be checked.

One week later, I ask How did you make out with the car.  Oh, I am taking it in tomorrow, I needed to use it this week.

As long as the telephone poles keep on going by.  Got to go, have to put air in the tires of my son's car before he goes off to school.