I didn't have a complete break from the screen because I never take a break from running Living Sober. I had my iPad and checked in a couple of times a day - keeping an eye on the Members Feed (our scrolling real-time communication space) and answering emails from people who were having trouble registering. The site is still very busy and humming along nicely - such a warm, kind and supportive community.
I didn't miss drinking while we were camping. Mr D had the odd beer but not much. We had some friends join us for a few nights and they're hardly boozers either. Most nights we all went to bed (kids included) when the sun went down which was around 9.30-10pm. I wondered whether if I was still boozing I'd be more likely to sit up having 'adult' time drinking wine and chatting? Quite possibly. But I'm not sad I don't do that any more. I am very content with my sober life.
Lovely waking up in the morning with the birds chirping, the sound of the sea nearby and the odd person wandering around the campsite. I'd light our portable stove, boil the jug and make myself a mug of green tea - sit in a deckchair and contemplate the surroundings.
I'll admit I did have some guilt over my chocolate consumption while away - which came hot on the heels of my piggy Christmas period at home - so now I am on a juice fast.
Who am I kidding I'm not on a juice fast. I could never do a juice fast. I tried the 5:2 diet once and it didn't work for me AT ALL (the days I fasted were hell and the other days I just pigged out even more than usual).
Sometimes I feel like a complete failure as a person because I can't get on top of my food (particularly sugar) and wouldn't it be good if I could be as good an advocate for a sugar-free lifestyle as I am for a booze-free lifestyle? But fuck me I just can't get on top of it for any considerable length of time. I'm all or nothing. Off the sugar completely for a while or just on it like a madwoman.
At least I can draw some comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this - seems to me like loads of people also battle with sugar. I read an article with Marian Keyes in a women's mag while camping and it could have been written by me - I could SO relate. Here's a snippet "I’m an all-or-nothing person. There’s no such thing as ‘just the one’; I’m a binger, so sugar and I can never ‘just be friends’."
I hear you Marian, I hear you.
Anyhoo, I've no choice but to forge ahead reminding myself constantly how brave and amazing I am for not drinking alcohol ever, I'll try to make myself lots of lovely green juices, I'll dig deep to resist sugar cravings knowing that after 3 days they are greatly reduced (and will have to remember not to dip my toe in again!), and life will go on. Yes it will and it's ok really.
Really, it's ok.
Love, Mrs D xxx
