Gentle calmness...

I feel tired today but not too bad. Pottering around getting things ready for Christmas. We have some relatives staying from tomorrow and are hosting Christmas Day dinner for 20-odd (including kids). I am roasting a ginormous turkey and doing some vege - others are bringing salads, pudding etc.

Looking forward to it and keeping on reminding myself that it is LOVE that matters not CLEAN BENCHES!!

Feeling gentle in my sobriety. Not endorphin-rush this is THE BEST WAY TO LIVE!!, nor sad and woe-is-me WHY AM I DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD?? Just quietly sober, quietly never touching alcohol ever. Quietly happy with the way my life is.

I'm alright.

Things are alright.

Actually maybe I lie. Maybe there is a little bit of elated joy inside me for being free from the booze trap.

I don't regret one percent being unable to moderate alcohol. I love being sober and the challenge it brings. I love the authenticity I am forced into experiencing because I never ever bend my brain or blur my reality.

Yeah - there's a little bit of endorphin-rush joy in there, bubbling below the surface.

In a very lovely, gentle, low-key, calm way.

Because that's what sobriety brings. Gentle calmness.

And that's what I'm feeling right now.

What a lucky lucky girl am I.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Love, Mrs D xxx