Trial and error...

There is nothing quite like getting free from addiction. It takes guts and sweat and tears. But boy is it worth it.

I love that there are so many people dotted around the world who have fought to get themselves free.

I love knowing that there are others who fully understand what it's like to go deep down into your core to heal yourself emotionally when you take an addictive substance away.

It's so bloody hard. Facing up to realities you've tried to shield yourself from. And always the addictive substance is there, dancing around the periphery, enticing you back into it's warm (lying) arms.

I just read an interview with James Taylor (here), legendary musician who was a heroin addict and got sober in his 30's. In it he says; "One thing that addiction does is, it freezes you. You don't develop, you don't learn the skills by trial and error of having experiences and learning from them, and finding out what it is you want, and how to go about getting it, by relating with other people. You short-circuit all of that stuff and just go for the button that says 'this feels good' over and over again."

Trial and error. Having experiences and learning from them. That's what my life is about right now. I make mistakes - sometimes they're big ones - but I am learning from them. I am grinding my way through experiences, some of which are really, really hard, and I am learning. Trial and error. That's what my life is about.

But the longer I live sober, the more I learn and the more resilient I get.

Being a human being is hard bloody work, shit happens and pain hurts and it's just impossible to glide through life not having any shit to deal with.

No wonder there are so many humans who seek relief from the brutality of life, the complexity of relationships and the incessant chatter of the brain.

I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it again today.

Anyone who gets themselves free from addiction is brave and amazing.

Love, Mrs D xxx