Fucking bullshit bollocks...

I think I must be tired and run down because I just got hit with this wave of irrational sadness that I will never drink alcohol ever again and that I was somehow missing out on something special that everyone else was doing.

I mean what FUCKING BULLSHIT IS THAT???

Stupid fucking mind trying to play woe-is-me tricks on me, suck me back down into a place of deluded bollocks where bending my brain with a liquid drug is an attractive proposition.

Bloody stupid bollocksy thoughts can piss off.

I am not going to entertain them for one second. I am not going to allow my tired brain to lead me down that romantic (bullshit) thinking path where I visualise alcohol as a positive influence on my life.

I have just been interrupted writing this post by two boys wearing masks and capes pointing plastic guns at me and telling me to put my hands up.

What bullshit part of my brain thinks that altering my state of consciousness with alcohol is going to benefit me or anyone in my family?

I could probably analyse why these bullshit thoughts have hit me today, there are 2 - 3 reasons that make it pretty obvious to me, but I'm not going to do that. I don't care why. I just want them gone.

This is why I just abruptly stopped folding washing to jump on the computer and bash out this angry post.

Because this is what this blog is for. For me to work my grey matter to fight my bullshit thinking that might try to ever tempt me back to that bullshit booze.

I feel better already. Nothing like a few swearwords (bullshit, fucking, bollocks) to help get my mojo back.

Now I will go finish folding the washing. Then I will put it all away in the correct drawers. Then I will put clean sheets on my bed. Then I will put my pyjamas on. Then I will boil the jug and make a delicious cup of chamomile tea. Then I will climb into bed and watch the final of a fantastically trashy Reality TV programme and then finally I will sleep the blissful sleep that only a sober person can sleep.

And tomorrow those bullshit thoughts will be gone.

Love, Mrs D xxx