Cookie Puss and Fudgy the Whale Would Never Exist Today

Back in the '80's, there was no such thing as irony. That's why Carvel Ice Cream corp. could get away with making "Cookie Puss" and "Fudgy the Whale." 

Do these confections even exist anymore? I have no idea.

All I know is that in 2015, the last thing "Cookie Puss" and Fudgy the Whale" would bring to mind is ice cream cake. 

Here's what those names would mean today:

COOKIE PUSS

1. An Italian mobster from The Sopranos.

2. A Vaudeville starlette from the Lower East Side of Manhattan.

3. An intricate sex move involving cunilingus and Chips Ahoy.

4. An activist all girl punk rock band from Russia.

5. A hipster-run bakery in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

FUDGY THE WHALE

1. The name for after-hours anal sex through the "glory hole" in Shamu's habitat at Sea World.

2. An online gaming maneuver whereby your character sits on the opponent's character until it "suffocates."

3. The morning after Thanksgiving Day dump.

4. The name for a rim job on someone with a lot of junk in the trunk.

5. A hipster-run artisanal fudge shop in Portland, OR.