Missed Approach (n.): See also, "overhead."
Mechanical (n.): Broken light bulb in the aft lavatory that results in staying in another city 500 miles away from your destination, standing in line for hours at a shitty hotel and an airport, getting two hours of sleep, and doing it all again 10 hours later.
Ceiling Below Minimums (n.): A bank of frozen fog that results in staying in another city 500 miles away from your destination, standing in line for hours at a shitty hotel and an airport, getting two hours of sleep, and doing it all again 10 hours later.
20 Minute Bag Guarantee (n.): A promise that your bag will arrive in 40 minutes.
Go Through Security (v.): The thing you NEVER do when you have a ceiling below minimums or a mechanical, and are still within reach of coffee, food, and other meager amenities.
Self-Tag Bag Drop (n.): A new self help system of print-on-demand bag tagging that is too confusing to operate for someone with an engineering degree from MIT, much less the average passenger or employee of Alaska Airlines.
U.S. Senator (n.): A person with whom you will inevitably be on an Alaska Airlines flight at some point, and who will make a big show of sitting in coach, despite the fact that the only thing anyone really cares about is being a footnote when the shit goes down.
The Board Room (n.): A modified gate waiting area to which you pay an annual fee for the privilege of eating cheese cubes and bad soup, drinking box wine, and feeling a smug and unfounded sense of self-importance and superiority.
1971 (n.): The year of the infamous Alaska Airlines crash into the Juneau airport from Anchorage that, among other things, took out an entire division of the State Department of Transportation on its way to a work conference and that forever changed for the better the way pilots and planes are equipped to fly into the Juneau airport but that yet still somehow raises its head in your mind as a likely repeat event literally every three times you land in Juneau.
Cell Phone Service (n.): The thing you're damn lucky to have when you land wherever the fuck you end up.
Taxidermy (n.): The collection of dead animals and animal heads that are on the wall and in glass cases wherever the fuck you end up.
Mediterranean Tapas (n.): A loose affiliation of chips, olives, dried fruit, nuts, and hummus that bears no relationship whatsoever to the Mediterranean or to tapas but that is nevertheless the only acceptable for-purchase snack pack available on any Alaska Airlines flight.
10,000 Miles (n.): The bone Alaska Airlines throws to irate passengers to mollify them in the event of lost baggage, ceilings below minimums, or a scorpion bite. (Yes, that happened last week).
Combi (n.): A plane that you board on the Tarmac and that is half cargo/half passengers, where the passengers are all somehow in the scary tail half and the Frosted Flakes, mail, and Brown Jug orders are riding first class in the presumably safer front half.
Alaska Airlines Pilots (n.): 1. A crew of seriously competent badasses into whose hands Alaskans put their lives and fates on the daily. 2. Probably the best commercial pilots in the business.
Go Through Security (v.): The thing you NEVER do when you have a ceiling below minimums or a mechanical, and are still within reach of coffee, food, and other meager amenities.
Self-Tag Bag Drop (n.): A new self help system of print-on-demand bag tagging that is too confusing to operate for someone with an engineering degree from MIT, much less the average passenger or employee of Alaska Airlines.
U.S. Senator (n.): A person with whom you will inevitably be on an Alaska Airlines flight at some point, and who will make a big show of sitting in coach, despite the fact that the only thing anyone really cares about is being a footnote when the shit goes down.
The Board Room (n.): A modified gate waiting area to which you pay an annual fee for the privilege of eating cheese cubes and bad soup, drinking box wine, and feeling a smug and unfounded sense of self-importance and superiority.
1971 (n.): The year of the infamous Alaska Airlines crash into the Juneau airport from Anchorage that, among other things, took out an entire division of the State Department of Transportation on its way to a work conference and that forever changed for the better the way pilots and planes are equipped to fly into the Juneau airport but that yet still somehow raises its head in your mind as a likely repeat event literally every three times you land in Juneau.
Cell Phone Service (n.): The thing you're damn lucky to have when you land wherever the fuck you end up.
Taxidermy (n.): The collection of dead animals and animal heads that are on the wall and in glass cases wherever the fuck you end up.
Mediterranean Tapas (n.): A loose affiliation of chips, olives, dried fruit, nuts, and hummus that bears no relationship whatsoever to the Mediterranean or to tapas but that is nevertheless the only acceptable for-purchase snack pack available on any Alaska Airlines flight.
10,000 Miles (n.): The bone Alaska Airlines throws to irate passengers to mollify them in the event of lost baggage, ceilings below minimums, or a scorpion bite. (Yes, that happened last week).
Combi (n.): A plane that you board on the Tarmac and that is half cargo/half passengers, where the passengers are all somehow in the scary tail half and the Frosted Flakes, mail, and Brown Jug orders are riding first class in the presumably safer front half.
Alaska Airlines Pilots (n.): 1. A crew of seriously competent badasses into whose hands Alaskans put their lives and fates on the daily. 2. Probably the best commercial pilots in the business.
