5:00 p.m-5:15 p.m.: Facebook stalk everyone you've ever made out with to see if their current partner exists, and if so, whether they are hotter than you.
5:15-5:30: Rifle through the fridge and pantry looking for "something." Settle for caramel corn and Craisins.
5:30-6:00: Yell at your family and vice-versa.
6:00-6:15: Hide in your bedroom staring into the darkness.
6:15-6:30: Google a bunch of acronyms you've seen online, but whose meanings have eluded you because you are old (e.g. "IDGAF").
6:30-7:30: Spend "quality" time with kids. Succeed for 20 minutes. Fight the rest of the time.
7:30-8:30: Attempted nightly cherishing of kids' lengthy bedtime rituals.
8:30-9:00: Make sour lemonade with Splenda and splash of vodka; Watch nature show about India and pass out to the mellifluous voice of British narrator.
