A. EMERGENCY!
1. 747 with two engines down at 30,000 feet.
2. Burning building with a family of seven trapped on the third floor.
3. Surfer covered in stings inflicted by Australian Box Jellies.
4. Broken caribiner on top of El Capitan.
5. Lost at sea in the middle of the South Pacific with no food, water, or beacon.
6. Hemorrhaging from ears, eyeballs, or other facial orifices.
7. Out of coffee and/or alcohol.
B. NOT AN EMERGENCY.
1. Missing toy alligator (versus missing actual, live alligator).
2. Anything involving politics or a political consulting firm.
3. Bad hair day.
4. Broken nails.
5. Can't find a pen.
6. Toys 'R Us and Wal-Mart sold out of the new X-Box a week before Christmas.
7. Anything ending with the acronym "FML."
3. Surfer covered in stings inflicted by Australian Box Jellies.
4. Broken caribiner on top of El Capitan.
5. Lost at sea in the middle of the South Pacific with no food, water, or beacon.
6. Hemorrhaging from ears, eyeballs, or other facial orifices.
7. Out of coffee and/or alcohol.
B. NOT AN EMERGENCY.
1. Missing toy alligator (versus missing actual, live alligator).
2. Anything involving politics or a political consulting firm.
3. Bad hair day.
4. Broken nails.
5. Can't find a pen.
6. Toys 'R Us and Wal-Mart sold out of the new X-Box a week before Christmas.
7. Anything ending with the acronym "FML."