Emergency!

The word "emergency" is used far, FAR too often and much too lightly in our culture nowadays. Everyone from my 4 and 7-year old children to accomplished professionals regularly invoke the word "emergency" to describe situations which, by all reasonable accounts, are blatantly not emergencies. Please allow me to offer a quick and handy reference guide on what generally constitutes an "emergency" and what doesn't:

A. EMERGENCY!

1. 747 with two engines down at 30,000 feet.

2. Burning building with a family of seven trapped on the third floor.

3. Surfer covered in stings inflicted by Australian Box Jellies.

4. Broken caribiner on top of El Capitan.

5. Lost at sea in the middle of the South Pacific with no food, water, or beacon.

6. Hemorrhaging from ears, eyeballs, or other facial orifices.

7. Out of coffee and/or alcohol.


B. NOT AN EMERGENCY.

1. Missing toy alligator (versus missing actual, live alligator).

2. Anything involving politics or a political consulting firm.

3. Bad hair day.

4. Broken nails.

5. Can't find a pen.

6. Toys 'R Us and Wal-Mart sold out of the new X-Box a week before Christmas.

7. Anything ending with the acronym "FML."