So I have shared a little bit with you about my nerves facing life in the village again after the anxiety & depression that plagued me last year. The truth is, every time I think about it, I feel a pang of panic. But I have been using the tools gained in therapy to calm my fears, stay in the moment, and remember to take it a day at a time.
With these concerns fresh in my mind as I began our journey toward Marshall,
my sister sent me this pin:
It meant so much to hear her say that. It made me feel proud of myself. Sure, I have faced some trials, but none of them have brought me to my knees. As I head into this year I am going to work hard to take pride in how far I have come, and have faith in how far I can go.
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Saturday I had a full-on panic attack on the way to the beach. We had stopped to take the boys to the bathroom when I experienced a sudden dizziness that made the room feel like it was spinning. I took few deep breaths, ran my hands under the cold faucet and took a few sips of my water bottle. By the time we were back in the car, I felt better, but my heart was still pounding uncontrollably. I kept up the positive self talk, "You're okay. You're safe. Just keep breathing. This will pass." It worked, and by the time we saw my grandparents, I had forgotten I'd even been worked up. It was the first panic attack of that severity that I've faced (and conquered) without medication. It felt really good.
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It feels really good to have come so far, but I also know all too well how easy it is to backslide. I know how important it is to have support. And so I want to ask you a favor.
When you think of me, reach out.
Call me.
Message me.
Text me.
Write me a letter.
Hearing from people (as I have today during our travels) gives me strength.
Your love, support & friendship means the world to me.
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