Is it hard for anyone else to get rid of baby stuff? I was so sad to sell the twins' nursery furniture three years ago. Now we're selling Wyatt's high chair, and even though he doesn't fit in it anymore, I am sad to see it go. He's nearly done with diapers, and I've already weeded through the playroom to get rid of toys that are for babies under two...
We're still not sure if we'll have more.
But if I were a betting woman, I'd bet we're done.
Which surprises me.
The emotions about that are so conflicting. I feel relief coupled with deep grief whenever I imagine our future with just the three boys. I ache for a girl. To have a daughter, a mini-me. Tiny fingernails painted, tutu on, sparkly Dorothy shoes, twirling for me in the living room. To have a sister for these boys, someone to soften the rowdiness. A little princess for Josh to adore.
On the other hand, I am so blessed. Being these boys' mom is better than anything I ever imagined. Curling up on our bed with them after a long day, reading Mercer Mayer books, smelling just-washed heads, is a dream come true. Spontaneous hugs and I love you's along with the hilarious things they say (Jack the other day said, "Mom, if we had a pet spider, it wouldn't have to be hairy, it would eat all the flies in our house and would never go hungry") make all the hard work worth it.
It almost feels greedy to wish for a girl. To desire a daughter when we have three healthy sons.
I guess only time will tell. God only knows what's in store for our future. But for now, I am trying to enjoy the three I was blessed with, even if they won't wear pink ruffles for me!