Losing Patience

One time I was summoned to the ER for my aged Dad, who was raging against the world. He had a massive stroke some months earlier and was only beginning to accept his now severely handicapped situation.  He had a new medical emergency and  I went to ER, it was Saturday and he swore at me in loud and vulgar terms, he swore as if I had caused his situation.

Through out the 8 hour ordeal, I kept my cool and composure, even though the words he spewed with cobra like venom were like being repeatedly slapped in the face with full force.  They hurt, they stung and he was unrelenting.  They were murderously profane and foul.   I took a deep breath and said I would not fall into a similar response as they were coming out of a deep hurt  he felt, being laid out by a blood clot in the brain at age 81.  After enjoying almost no health issue to that point, in fact just three days before he was walking his usual 8 miles per day.

I kept quietly trying to assure him that the staff was doing what they could for him, there was no yelling or argument on my part.  He vented at me, and by so allowing the staff was able to avoid being the target.  Finally , he received his care and was ready to be sent our of ER back to his facility.  Hours of being yelled at had tired me.  It was one of those days where your face drops---you know when the news is so bad that all the muscles in your face give way and your face drops---that is the real  reason why we begin to look old.  My face had dropped that day, I could feel it about my eyes.

My face had dropped that day, as it did on the day my brother told me his cancer was terminal, as it did on 9/11, as it has on many other days, the days when my wife suffered miscarriages,  through job losses, illnesses and other such matters of life  It is the cumulative face drops that show as age on our faces.  But as they prepped him to go back and as I was taking my leave, a nurse , who I know and who was present for the entirety of the episode--ran out of the ER, grabbed me and gave me a hug and told me that I was the most patient man she had ever seen.  That compliment stuck with me for a long time, I am secretly proud of it.

But I lost patience yesterday, a client had his present wife call to discuss his daughters college expenses.  The daughter is 5 months from graduation and he and his ex wife are fighting over 600 dollars.  He is not discussing it with his ex wife, he is delegating this task to his current wife. He makes her discuss with the ex and handle the back and forth and vitriol they splash on each other.

I asked the current , why is he dumping this off on you.?  I asked when was the last time he talked to his daughter---4 years ago--- I told the new wife, tell your husband to pay it or not pay it as he sees fit, but to not presume to have me answer it for him. Tell him  to send his daughter a have a good life letter if it all comes down to 600 bucks.  I told this lady this in no uncertain terms because I lost my patience. For 600 bucks you put your daughter on tenterhooks anxiously awaiting word as to if she will finish her final semester.   I  blew my top, I was harsh, loud , obnoxious but I was not sorry for having lost my patience.

My wife and I will pay for our daughters education for the remainder of our lives, we know that, we don't cry about it (well not too much) we commiserate with others similarly situated. But we are proud and happy with the choice and the result. We remain close to both our children  and last night she called to tell us that she had finished her first day on her new assignment in a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit and although she was nervous, she did okay, she was in a place where life hangs by a thread,pressure to perform is there and she made it through day 1., She talked to us about her friends, attending the inauguration , her car issues .  I measure how I expect people to treat their children by how I treat mine and following from things like Newtown Ct. and Aurora Co.  I think we all ought to be treating them first   and if it ever comes down to 600 dollars you have permission to shoot me.

And in a former time and place I would be down on myself for being impatient, but not yesterday. Sometimes people just need to be told where to get off.