Punctuation can go jump

too much coffee two a day is all but more compared with the one or none i've been having all my lovely green teas are a thing of the past right now too much sugar as well have been going to bed with a bowl of cereal topped with 3 desert spoons of sugar what the hell is that compensating for the coffee i suppose

classic reactions up and down and up and down spent all day looking at the computer screen trying to write not sure if i achieved much at all felt low teary at times went out to the garage to have a cigarette am i pre-menstrual

saw a photo of my brother in law having a glass of bubbles on holiday relaxing on a deck chair with his sons looked so nice had a pang of course classic reaction to feeling low transfer it all on to the fact i don't drink alcohol started thinking that my sister and brother in law who live near us now think it's boring coming here because it can't be lets have a drink or two energy just come for food but of course i'll be sober coz i'm sober all the time more classic sad pangs about alcohol where really this is just another day in the cycle of life

am i still learning how to live sober i thought i had it nailed so excited about one year have been planning my final post saying goodbye to blogger thinking one year is all i need but now i'm crying writing this i don't think 365 days is any different to 364 or 370 it's just on and on and can i really say goodbye to my friends my only support sherry emailed me today because i commented on her blog that i was feeling blah and i cried while i read her email how can i say goodbye to that i'm silly if i think i'm stronger and bigger than support even if it's faceless support on the computer it's real and warm and necessary anyway i know what sherry looks like she emailed me a photo once she's beautiful

don't even care about the one year in fact i think it's silly to mark it like a big deal it's just another sober day in a long line of sober days my eyes are all red now my boys are asking what's wrong i'm just saying nothing i'm just a bit emotional today and the middle guy just said did you miss us today mum i said yes

too much naval gazing another reason for not blogging any more all me me me all the time struggling to find things to write about outside of just the workings of my head because i'm alone a lot writing my ma and i don't have the same friends network here in my day to day life that i used to have so there aren't a lot of interactions to report on i am getting sick of myself but here i am blahhing on to my computer screen with tears rolling down my face bloody hell i'm going out to the garage to have another cigarette don't think for one second i'm actually going to drink but you know a sober life is more emotional and all that

love mrs d xxx