Tricky stuff. Life. But shit, I'm not going to be a dickhead and say goodbye to the only support network I have. I don't go to AA and while I like to think that I'm big and hard and strong enough to do anything I want..! I'm not. So here I am and here I'll stay. I might not be so regular at posting because I do have to give birth to 40,000 words of utter genius (my thesis) but I'll stay connected because to do otherwise might be foolish.
Take a look at what Mary said to me after the last post...
"What happens when we sober up Mrs D is that we find ourselves facing the problem of living. Sometimes the problem of drinking to avoid living seems simple by comparison. Life just keeps happening. Good, bad, wonderful, ugly, awful, intense and unstoppable, all of it. But it will get easier and those milestones count. One year is great. You don't want to start all over again, counting from day one. Continuity and sober time means something, little by little we find we are learning how to live, learning how to deal with thesis loneliness, stress, small children, eating patterns, bored brothers-in-law, moving house, publishing books, working at marriage, facing illness, facing success, travelling, making friends, living life to the full. We stop looking for comfort or numbness in external gratifications like smoking and sugar. We look inward and outward, we get better at relationships and work. We ride out the storm again and again."
Why would I say goodbye to that kind of loveliness and wisdom?
I've described sober life before as being like an emotional roller coaster. Monday (the non-punctuation day) was me racing down a steep section with my arms raised my mouth wide open and an ear-splitting scream coming from my mouth. AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Today I'm cruising round a gentle corner. Writing a different section of the current chapter of my thesis, material I'm comfortable with (not like those nasty theorists that had me in a spin on Monday). Windows open and a breeze flowing through the house. Mr D packing in the other room ready to go overseas for a week. Lots of treaty foods in the house for me and the boys to enjoy while he's gone. Heart beating more calmly. Thoughts flowing more freely.
This time last year I was only hours away from my final binge. This time last year I was a boozer. Today I'm not. Roll on tomorrow.
Love, Mrs D xxxx
(here's some extra punctuation to make up for the last post.. ..,,!?";...!! (),,.??!!" ;; " , . , . ,,?"!!"
I've described sober life before as being like an emotional roller coaster. Monday (the non-punctuation day) was me racing down a steep section with my arms raised my mouth wide open and an ear-splitting scream coming from my mouth. AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Today I'm cruising round a gentle corner. Writing a different section of the current chapter of my thesis, material I'm comfortable with (not like those nasty theorists that had me in a spin on Monday). Windows open and a breeze flowing through the house. Mr D packing in the other room ready to go overseas for a week. Lots of treaty foods in the house for me and the boys to enjoy while he's gone. Heart beating more calmly. Thoughts flowing more freely.
This time last year I was only hours away from my final binge. This time last year I was a boozer. Today I'm not. Roll on tomorrow.
Love, Mrs D xxxx
(here's some extra punctuation to make up for the last post.. ..,,!?";...!! (),,.??!!" ;; " , . , . ,,?"!!"
