Whine and moan...

... and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and whine and moan and aarrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!

That's all I goddam bloody hell do! Quit bloody whining and moaning would ya!  Blah blah blah-d-blah.

Right.  Good.  Now I've got that out of my system I can move on.

I love waking up every morning.  I honestly do.  I love waking up with no guilt, no dry horrors, no need for panadol, no distractions from what's actually in front of me. I've started feeling way more grateful for the fact that I wake up every morning after a good sleep with no sicky feeling in my guts and ready to start the day.

Ok so sometimes that day contains a bit of stress or grumpiness, but it's not overwhelming.  I think I have this belief that to feel grumpy or stressed, and certainly to act to others (my children or husband) like I'm grumpy or stressed, is a FAILURE. I have this stupid long-held belief that it is a FAILURE (use of caps for emphasis, is that too much?!) to be a grump or snappy or shitty.  That I am FAILING (that's the last use of caps I promise) if I am anything but cheery and sunny all the time.  Well how stupid and dumb is that?  I'm going to try harder to stop feeling like that.  I mean, I'm also going to try harder to control those moods and not let them 'run away' on me (i.e. get way too shitty or grumpy) but if I do act like that sometimes - well that's just life.

Now, better get studying, I've got a child-free day and should be working on my thesis!

Love, Mrs D xxx