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June 26, 2012
There are moments I snap. Getting mad and hurt at nothing but memories and feelings of the past. Today, I had one of those moments with Mr. Scabs.
Within a 2-second conversation, I'm heated and escalating over imagined realities. Over my lack of emotional awareness. My freak-out! All it takes is one flash-second for screaming lights and sirens to sound announcing safety has been breached. A bullet-proof, fire-proof shield locks down as I retreat to my panic room ready to engage the detach button and drop everything as I float off into space.
My go to recovery tool is detachment. Wounds like yours and mine may take decades to heal and "freak outs" are probably normal. But, today something different happened. In the blink of an eye Mr. Scabs taught me the value of vulnerability.
Just before the panic room shield locks down, Mr. Scabs pulls a full on Indian Jones move! Almost instictual and at risk to himself, he swiftly slides under the door grasping my hand as I run and says,
"I'm trying everyday to be faithful in my heart!
I want to love you, more than anything, and
give you everything I took away.
I don't want to revisit the man I was, ever.
I am in love with you!"
- Mr. Scabs
I am in love with you!"
- Mr. Scabs
