June 22, 2012

White Dog, my heart child, is sometimes too much like me. Most times it is endearing and I secretly love her independence and stubbornness, but on days like today looking in the mirror is not quite what I need. From the get go the day felt out of my control and I was pushed by circumstances that left me struggling to maintain positivity and balance.

We have spent nearly a week try to get Michael's prescription refilled but the pharmacy's system isn't connecting with the doctor's system...and no, they can't just call and get whatever is needed that is holding things up. The electrical system at our rental house has an intermittent issue with some outlets not working but every time the electrician goes out there, everything is just fine. The frazzling June schedule of Steve doing the grad seminar in addition to his regular chair duties and teaching two night classes as well has left us all gasping for air to breathe and for time together (1 more week). And that was just this morning.

I needed White Dog to be sympathetic and wise. I needed her to remind me that together we could get through anything. Instead she absorbed my frustration with the world and spit it back at me and her siblings. She was impatient with Quinn; crabby to Nuka. She felt the need to intimidate little Oso and tried to push YoYoMa into a "Top Dog" match (he wisely deferred). She ignored my pleas for peace and showed no regret when sent to time out.

Puff decided to play "Follow and Copy My Sister" with the not at all playful WD at just about the same time I got the call that my credit card number had been stolen and was being used to purchase thousands of dollars of electronics goods. White Dog's furious verbal assault on Still Another White Dog gave a voice to exactly what I was feeling but was focused incorrectly on a shy sister who just wanted to be friends.

"That was MEAN!" I shouted at WD as I gathered the shaking SAWD in my arms. "Go! Maybe you just need to be by yourself!" She stormed off with a growl over her shoulder and hopped on the bed remorselessly. Puff curled up next to me and stuck at my side the rest of the afternoon.

This evening WD and I sat together in the dark bedroom before dinner and rebalanced ourselves. We do not often meltdown and hardly ever does it happen when we both are at the bottom, but today was just one too many straws on a White Dog's...and her momma's...back.