ETA: After this posting, my mom made it clear that the cat box was brand new and unused and she disinfected the toothbrush. I've edited this to keep her reputation as an OCD cleaner intact. :)
Jodi Meadows: AND NOW A BUG KILLED ITSELF IN MY ORANGE JUICE
C.J. Redwine: GROSS
Jodi Meadows: I have possibly the grossest story ever to tell you
C.J. Redwine: that is exactly the reason why I cannot drink without looking in my glass
Jodi Meadows: it does involve bugs
C.J. Redwine: OH NO
Jodi Meadows: (yeah, I always look)
C.J. Redwine: *gags preemptorily*
C.J. Redwine: bring it
Jodi Meadows: okay
Jodi Meadows: so it all starts on Thursday night
Jodi Meadows: at my mom's
Jodi Meadows: My brother and I are in the kitchen cleaning up
Jodi Meadows: and he jumps back
Jodi Meadows: and shrieks
Jodi Meadows: (my brother is not what you'd call a manly boy)
Jodi Meadows: because a GIANT COCKROACH just crawled under the ledge of the counter
Jodi Meadows: we both try to destroy it
Jodi Meadows: but it escapes into the crevice between the dishwasher and the counter
Jodi Meadows: we admit defeat
Jodi Meadows: but LATER
Jodi Meadows: one of the cats starts staring at the ceiling
Jodi Meadows: and I see THE COCKROACH on the ceiling
Jodi Meadows: fortunately I have an empty cup
Jodi Meadows: so I get on a chair, grab a napkin, and trap it in the cup
Jodi Meadows: and then toss it outside
Jodi Meadows: (I can't squash them. I can't take the crunch)
Jodi Meadows: and then I think all is well
Jodi Meadows: FAST FORWARD TO FRIDAY
C.J. Redwine: crunch is bad
Jodi Meadows: Mom and I are in her bathroom brushing our teeth
Jodi Meadows: everything is great
C.J. Redwine: oh please no
Jodi Meadows: my teeth are clean
Jodi Meadows: it's wonderful
C.J. Redwine: gag gag gag already
Jodi Meadows: and then I get the cup that I'd been keeping my toothbrush in (bristles down)
Jodi Meadows: and using to rinse with..
C.J. Redwine: GAG GAG
Jodi Meadows: AND THERE IT IS
C.J. Redwine: STOP
Jodi Meadows: IN THE CUP
C.J. Redwine: I'M BEGGING YOU
C.J. Redwine: OMG
C.J. Redwine: HOLY VOMIT
Jodi Meadows: SNUGGLING UP TO MY TOOTHBRUSH
C.J. Redwine: AIDOHEIOANIOEW8U3029UR09 J
Jodi Meadows: WHICH I'D ALREADY USED
C.J. Redwine: YOU JUST KILLED ME
C.J. Redwine: DEAD
Jodi Meadows: COCKROACH COOTIES ON
Jodi Meadows: MY
Jodi Meadows: TEETH
Jodi Meadows: ON
Jodi Meadows: MY
Jodi Meadows: TONGUE
C.J. Redwine: did you puke?
Jodi Meadows: YES
C.J. Redwine: because I would totally puke
C.J. Redwine: I'm puking NOW
C.J. Redwine: on your behalf
Jodi Meadows: me too
Jodi Meadows: gag
Jodi Meadows: gag gag
C.J. Redwine: aaaaahhhhhhh
Jodi Meadows: I YELPED
Jodi Meadows: and trapped it
C.J. Redwine: my tongue doesn't know what to do with my teeth!
Jodi Meadows: and took it outside again
C.J. Redwine: blech blech
C.J. Redwine: JODI
Jodi Meadows: and then rinsed with peroxide
C.J. Redwine: KILL THE COCKROACH
C.J. Redwine: KILL IT
Jodi Meadows: THAT IS WHAT MY MOM SAID WHEN I GOT BACK
Jodi Meadows: SHE SAID WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT IT DOWN THE TOILET
C.J. Redwine: see???
C.J. Redwine: drown the sucker
Jodi Meadows: AND I SAID BC AT MY HOUSE, ONLY POOP GOES DOWN THE TOILET
Jodi Meadows: I HAVE A SEPTIC
Jodi Meadows: AND I ALWAYS FORGET
C.J. Redwine: did it lay eggs on your toothbrush, do you think?
C.J. Redwine: is helpful*
Jodi Meadows: GROSS
C.J. Redwine: you're going to unfriend me on FB now, aren't you?
Jodi Meadows: I PUT PEROXIDE IN MY MOUTH
C.J. Redwine: it whitens teeth!
Jodi Meadows: yes!
C.J. Redwine: and kills cockroach eggs!
Jodi Meadows: and then I brushed again with a new brush
C.J. Redwine: darn it, now I'm all gaggy and pukey
Jodi Meadows: I warned you
C.J. Redwine: I will tell you a story in return
C.J. Redwine: BRACE YOURSELF
Jodi Meadows: oh man
C.J. Redwine: this is worse
C.J. Redwine: because of the insidious nature
Jodi Meadows: (the cup was dark blue, otherwise I would have seen the sucker)
C.J. Redwine: of my parental unit
C.J. Redwine: well, there's your problem
C.J. Redwine: CLEAR CUPS, JODI
Jodi Meadows: YES
C.J. Redwine: ok, so
Jodi Meadows: your story
C.J. Redwine: my parents have multiple cats
C.J. Redwine: and after I moved out to go to college, somehow the cat box ended up in our bathroom
C.J. Redwine: right below the window against the wall
C.J. Redwine: which is fine
C.J. Redwine: my sister was the only one using the bathroom and she could use my counter
Jodi Meadows: oh
C.J. Redwine: my mom told me this story YEARS after it happened
C.J. Redwine: which is disturbing
C.J. Redwine: because WHAT STORIES ISN'T SHE TELLING ME?
C.J. Redwine: anyway, she told me she was cleaning the bathroom
C.J. Redwine: and she accidentally knocked my sister's toothbrush INTO THE CATBOX
Jodi Meadows: ...
Jodi Meadows: WHAT
C.J. Redwine: what would you do with said toothbrush?
Jodi Meadows: THROW IT AWAY
Jodi Meadows: THROW
Jodi Meadows: IT
Jodi Meadows: AWAY
Jodi Meadows: IT IS TAINTED
C.J. Redwine: of course!
C.J. Redwine: NOT MY MOTHER
C.J. Redwine: she WASHED it and PUT IT BACK
Jodi Meadows: DEFILED
Jodi Meadows: NOOOOOO
Jodi Meadows: NO NO NO GROSSSSSS
C.J. Redwine: and didn't tell my sister!
C.J. Redwine: !!!!
Jodi Meadows: D:
C.J. Redwine: so of course, I begin to scroll back through my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD
C.J. Redwine: and wonder
Jodi Meadows: RIGHT???
C.J. Redwine: how many times did MY toothbrush get washed and put back?
C.J. Redwine: HOW MANY, JODI?
Jodi Meadows: AT LEAST FIVE
C.J. Redwine: the bathroom grout was always clean
C.J. Redwine: now I find that suspicous!
Jodi Meadows: probably a reason for that
C.J. Redwine: I finally told my sister
C.J. Redwine: she didn't take it well
Jodi Meadows: seriously
Jodi Meadows: GAG
C.J. Redwine: now I don't know what to do with my mouth
C.J. Redwine: if I open it, I gag
C.J. Redwine: this is your fault
C.J. Redwine: this is like the time I felt a spider on my face at night
C.J. Redwine: and panicked and slapped it GOD KNOWS WHERE
Jodi Meadows: AGAHHHH
C.J. Redwine: and then I was terrified to sleep because where did it go?
C.J. Redwine: those suckers hold a grudge
Jodi Meadows: INDEED
C.J. Redwine: what if it crawled into my mouth?
C.J. Redwine: up my nose?
Jodi Meadows: we know how those things go
C.J. Redwine: oh yes
Jodi Meadows: O__O
C.J. Redwine: lay eggs in my brain
Jodi Meadows: OMC
Jodi Meadows: that's where defiance came from!
C.J. Redwine: one day I sneeze and BAM! spiders
C.J. Redwine: ahahahahaha
C.J. Redwine: yes!
C.J. Redwine: spider in the brain
C.J. Redwine: Incarnate came from cockroach in the mouth
Jodi Meadows: BRAIN SPIDER
C.J. Redwine: *pukes*
Jodi Meadows: GAHHH
C.J. Redwine: *gags*
C.J. Redwine: revisits dinner*
C.J. Redwine: why do you do this to me?
Jodi Meadows: I don't know
Jodi Meadows: I'm sorry
C.J. Redwine: this is a blog post
C.J. Redwine: you realize this
There you have it. That's what I did with my Friday night ...