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April 2002
He says it all started with pornography. Looking back, I can see that's the truth.
I want to curse the day I agreed to "steal" satellite TV. Karma. We managed a small apartment complex full of young married couples, almost all of us attending the university across the street. I loved that time of our life together. Poor, young, fun, just married and Apartment 21 was the life of the party! Ramen dinners with friends, poker games, bonfires and cookouts; seriously, even doing the laundry was somehow fun.
In the spirit of saving money for poor college students a friend offered to help install free satellite TV. I've never really been drawn to the TV but Mr. Scabs jumped at the chance to have a million channels for free. And so, one day I found the two guys climbing around the roof of the 3-story apartment running wires and drilling holes setting their satellites.
Over a year later, I was sick, lying on our second-hand brown floral sofa when I said to myself, "Perfect day for surfing every channel."
Somewhere in the mid-400's I paused, twisting my head to the side and squinting my eyes a bit. "What are they...whoa! How in the...weird!" I'd seen porn before. Glimpses here and there. I knew it was powerful but I had no idea it was creeping in my home from stolen satellite. I never imagined he would click to that channel somewhere in the mid-400's and stop to please himself. Our sex life was fresh and satisfying. I couldn't imagine he'd go elsewhere.
That night, over mac and cheese, I asked about the mid-400's. He brushed me off and said, "Oh, I know, but I don't look at that." I believed him. Karma blew up in my face 9 years later.