Time moving like a bullet. Last month I wished my brother a Happy Birthday and he responded that he could not believe how time had moved so quickly, it seemed as if only yesterday we were kids running in the woods and fields near our home.
Tell me about it, I replied.
Well today I awakened and did realize that it is November, literally and figuratively. Suddenly we shifted from bright warm and colorful to dark, gray and cold. We are entering the cold damp periods of our lives. The period where we recognize that we will not be famous, rich or celebrated. We will recognize that we have done all that there is be be done by us.
It is a time of waning health, physical prowess and even perhaps mental capacity. It was with this realization that the black dog (depression as Churchill described it) started nipping at my heals. I recognized the signs for I have been bitten before. At age 19, two years after my brother died unexpectedly in my arms was a bad time, which lasted for several years. Later I came to realize that there was nothing I could have done to save him and I was probably reacting post traumatic stress type. There have been other times over the last 40 or so years since then. Eventually you learn how to deal with it and in some cases thwart it. Healthy living and exercise and force fitting a smile can do wonders.
But yesterday it was suddenly November and I know I will have to make an effort to thwart this run with the black dog. I was suddenly finding myself in a mood shift, drastic and fast. I ruminate on the negatives sneaking in from the sides, was I a good husband, provider, father, was I professionally sound. I will wrestle with these issues and questions for awhile, I hope I can beat them back and I think I can by just understanding that I am just as human as anyone else , deserving of a little tolerance and slack as I shuffle forward into the coming winter of my life.