Job Description:
Personal assistant to full-time writer, mother of four, consummate food-snorter, and general lunatic.
Qualifications:
*Must love to read YA books in any stage of completion. In a related note, must be willing to read chapters that will change fifteen times, must not bat an eye when established plot lines are thrown into the garbage disposal, and must be able to intelligently discuss things like swoony almost-kisses and how to blow things up.
*Must enjoy cooking or at least fake it really well.
*Must never, under any circumstances, bring green beans into my house.
*Must be able to keep shiny seekrits.
*Must understand social networking, have relationships with bloggers and reviewers, and must be willing to
*Must be able to give a succinct definition of crazypants. Also, must enjoy working with someone who is crazypants.
*Must flush the toilet after every use. While this might seem to be a given, I'm a mother of three boys. I take nothing for granted.
*Must be able to type, text, skype, and vlog. Bonus if you also know how to make me look like Jennifer Garner in my own vlogs.
*Must know an amazing recipe for lemon bars of awesomeness.
*Must remember where I left my cellphone. And my car keys. And my brain.
*Must be willing to make emergency peach tea runs.
*Must be on good terms with the Were-llama. If you can match him for distance in a spitting contest, you are instantly hired.
*Must be able to participate in a rousing discussion on any and all aspects of Harry Potter. Bonus points if you know how to make butter beer.
*Must know how to reply diplomatically to all emails. Even those from people with an enlarged sense of entitlement.
*Must be able to carry on a phone conversation with me even while I am simultaneously changing a poopy diaper, yelling at the dog, and keeping my boys from blowing up the downstairs.
*Must not consider In 'N Out burger's fries to be the world's best. If you fail on this one, you may qualify to be my HUSBAND'S assistant, but not mine.
*Extra consideration will be given to anyone who can provide unique and inspiring musical suggestions for my playlists. Even MORE consideration will be given to anyone who can break out in show tunes at a moment's notice.
Compensation:
Qualified applicants will be paid in free books (both ARCs and already published), generous acknowledgements in the back of my books, my willingness to kill or maim (within the pages of my books) anyone you choose, use of the Were-llama on weekends, and an unlimited supply of cookies. Homemade, of course.
I wonder if I'll have any takers?
