Nope, not the kids...
Me.
I'm whiny.
And I guess since I am just two days shy of 40 weeks pregnant,
suffering from a sinus infection,
not sleeping,
with an aching back,
and a set of three-year-olds to chase around-
I'm entitled.
I woke up at 3:30am this morning,
and never really fell back asleep.
Logan was up at 5:30am
and Jack was up at 6:30am.
I am super hungry all the time, but can't truly eat enough to feel full because Wyatt is taking up the space my stomach used to occupy. I can't bend over because coming back up is always iffy, and I think falling down at this point would be a bad idea. Getting off the couch or out of bed to pee is growing tiresome and more difficult as each day passes. And I am so emotional. I could cry or fly into a violent rage at any given moment.
Last night it was more of a crying kind of night. I lay in bed (by myself, since Josh has taken to sleeping on the couch thanks to my "epic" snoring) trying to shut my mind off, but I couldn't stop thinking that in less than two months, I am going to be falling asleep in that big bed alone every night. And I am not going to get to touch, hug or smell my husband for weeks and weeks on end. I am going to have to find within me the strength to raise our three young sons by myself when that is never what we planned. This is not what we intended.
I am attempting to strike a balance between enjoying our time together and preparing myself mentally for what is to come. Some days it is more difficult than others.
Today is more of a rage day. I told Jack if he spilled my water bottle (they love to drink out of it and leave chunks of whatever they are eating behind) I would have to put him outside. Not sure where that came from. And if I have to hear any more bumping music from the thugs in this ever-living neighborhood, I am going to lose my very mind.
So there you have it.
"Rational Shelly" (insert sarcastic tone here) feeling a bit sorry for herself on this gray Friday afternoon.
I am going to try & drown my sorrows in some ice cream.
Perhaps it will help.