De Profundis

The title of this post is from a prayer I learnt at school. It is translated as 'Out of the depths'.
That is where I have been ..in the depths.
I had toyed with the idea of doing a follow up to the post called 'Pumped' with one called 'Slumped' but to be truthful, at the time I didn't even want look at my screen, or read anything on it.

Now I am  recovered but I feel that to remain honest in my blog I must tell the story.

Since the end of November until about two weeks ago I was in a black hole. I have just read the wikipedia definition  of A Black Hole and it works perfectly as a metaphor .

Medication initially made me feel so ill I thought I would never return, but  thankfully is now replacing whatever is missing chemically and making me feel better, positive, optimistic. I have even made an appointment to be referred to have my cataract fixed.

From inside the black hole, as black holes do, I absorbed the care and love of my family, my husband who must be the most patient man on the planet. He brought me small amounts of food and kept me going when I could eat next to nothing. He did the Christmas shopping. Cleaned the house while I opted out. Walked me slowly in the snow to get me out. Protected and cared for me. My Mother, 83,  came and ironed for me(..not that I cared about creases,) while I lay on the sofa.

My friends phoned and visited and watched me doing nothing. Supported me.  Felt group and Embroidery group friends e mailed, wrote and sent me cheery news. Told me not to worry. Sat and knitted while I sat and did nothing.

Church friends visited, prayed for me, the priest was amazing. When I went to Christmas Eve mass I was welcomed back warmly, lovingly.

My wider very far apart friends  spread the word amongst themselves, my college friends of 40 years . They supported me with emails, texts and phone calls.

And of course, my blog friends. Helen and her delightful daughter Polly drove 60 miles to visit me at home and brought me encouraging gifts as well as their loving support.
I had  many e mails from individuals enquiring where I was
 When I spilled the beans, you would be amazed at the number of fellow sufferers there are out there in blogland.

And that is why I am writing this.
Not to be dramatic, or to gain sympathy, but to show that when you think everyone else's lives are perfect, its only part of the story.

I don't even know what brought 'it' on . Nothing in particular but a series of minor negatives triggered a state of mind I hope I don't have again.

I am so thankful for my ordinary life at the moment.

Now I await the return of my desire to sew.
I have none at all at the moment and that is a worry.