Dear ...

Starshine: I think it's awesome you want to save 100k from your birthday money to purchase a Ferris wheel for our backyard. On a related note, if you ever DO get 100k for your birthday, it wasn't me who cashed the check and went to Vegas. I promise.

Acquaintance from years ago: If you don't bother to keep in touch with me, what makes you think spamming my facebook page with an ad for your new direct marketing business is going to be successful? Unless, of course, your definition of success includes me deleting you from my FB friends list. If so? Huzzah! Mission accomplished.

Johanna: I finally get to see your picture in the next few weeks. I'm absolutely giddy at the prospect.

New Employee: The spectacle you witnessed yesterday while I tried to simultaneously swallow soup, cough, and answer a question on my headset? That's just the tip of the iceberg. Consider yourself warned.

Clint: What an amazing husband you are.

Person who found my blog by searching for "need help with my ritting": I need help choosing from a host of (possibly sarcastic) responses. Shall we trade?

Author who shows me her character's personality and then proceeds to explain in great detail what I just saw: Please stop assuming I'm stupid. Kthnxbye

Jack the Cat: It disturbs me to find mangled nerf darts drowning in the dog's water. You've made your point. Stop the violence.

Blog readers: Thanks for visiting, for commenting (I love comments!) and for making me smile. And for finding me with search terms like "teflon lunatic" and "llama spits a lot." I'm honored.