1. Hubby and I spent the weekend in Memphis on a press junket for TNT's new show Memphis Beat.
2. The up side? I got to spend a kid-free weekend w/my hubby on someone else's dime and met Jason Lee and Alfre Woodard (who grabbed me while I was sitting at our table on our dinner cruise and pulled me onto the dance floor with her).
3. The UP side? We took an accidental scenic tour through a less-than-polished side of Memphis and I took notes on everything I saw just so I could bring you this blog post.
4. But first, Graceland. We spent a chunk of Saturday morning taking a VIP tour of Graceland, and it was interesting. I don't know that I'm totally down with green shag carpet on the ceiling or furniture that looks like a giant shaggy squirrel donated its coat and then industriously carved up the armrests with evil intentions, but it was very interesting to see how he lived. One of the members of his entourage (Jerry somebody) met us there and talked to us for a while about Elvis as a friend which helped us connect to him more as a man than as a superstar.
5. We stayed at The Peabody hotel, home of DUCKS. You'll remember Holly's Revision Duck Mafia, yes? So, naturally, when I walked into our room and found ducks on the coasters, the shampoo bottles, the pillow cases, and even a mini duck-shaped soap waiting for me on the bathroom counter, I had a moment of "Noooo! I thought my revisions were finished!" Holly assures me the Peabody ducks are too soft to be members of her mafia, but I saw them race out of the elevator and head toward the fountain in the lobby and I'm here to tell you, one of them was nothing but ATTITUDE.
6. Now, for the things I saw while on a scenic detour through Memphis.
7. A tiny little shack of a beauty salon with a sign proclaiming it to be "House of Elegance."
8. Another hair salon called "Rose's Hair Port."
9. And my personal fave, a store called "Lila's Final Touch." I guess Lila isn't the kind of woman you want to have on your bad side.
10. All of these original business names were located in the same strip mall or directly across the street from it.
11. Also? Next to the Shack, er, House of Elegance, there was a dollar store advertising "Real, 100% human hair!" I really don't want to know what state the hair is in. I'm betting you get what you pay for.
12. But all of that... the hair port, the $1 human hair, and Lila the Grim Reaper didn't add up to the sheer awesomeness of the billboard I saw while entering this side of Memphis.
13. The billboard advertised a club whose main attraction is "Hot Dang Bull Riding!"
14. Don't think that phrase of pure genius isn't going into the next Lilli book.
15. Hot dang!
17. Later this week, Captain Jack interviews historical author Kris Kennedy writer of the (deliciously medieval) THE CONQUEROR, and I reluctantly confess to one of the worst decisions of my life. Yes, pizza was involved. As was cat litter. You'll have to tune in to see how the two connect.