The discovery Wednesday of a petrified monstrulofish led scientists to announce this morning (Thursday) an unexpected revelation: the mid-Willamette Valley was once completely submerged under water.
Archeologists on a dig in Champoeg State Heritage Area were searching for Native American artifacts when they came across the remains of a Pacific Monstrolufish, a prehistoric aquatic creature thought to swim the waters of the Pacific Ocean two billion years ago.
With a head and fangs reminiscent of a saber-toothed tiger and the body of an average fish, the monstrulofish has an undoubtedly odd – and quite frightening – appearance. Until Wednesday, it had never been discovered this far inland.
”The fish was perfectly preserved,” said Dr. Abel Lyer, overseeing archaeologist at the dig. “This isn’t just a fossil, it’s a fully-preserved petrified creature, the real deal.”
Dr. Charles Hanson, a paleontologist brought on site to assess the creature, said this is the first time a monstrulofish has been discovered this far inland. “It’s making us rethink our whole theory of what this area was like in pre-historic times,” he said. “Clearly the whole area was under water, part of the ocean.”
Hanson described the monstrulofish as a “happy creature” who roamed the ocean waters in search of prey.
“They traveled alone, they didn’t need any help,” he said. “They would see a helpless sea creature – anything was in their grasp, from a tuna to a blue whale – and they would attack.
“They’re highly intelligent animals, they would go for the prey’s weakest spot and latch on with those massive teeth, (they had) a jaw like a steel trap. They wouldn’t ... let go until the prey was dead.”
The monstrulofish likely became extinct after a civil war type episode in which they turned on each other and quickly took themselves out.
“I expect a Nobel prize for discovering this,” Lyer said. “Actually I don’t think this is the end. We’re hoping to extract the creature’s DNA and try to rebirth it.”
He acknowledged the danger of returning such a creature to the water, but said it was worth it for the scientific possibilities. The monstrulofish could not be maintained in an aquarium or testing facility, it would need to be returned directly to the ocean where it would be able to feed freely.
“Stay out of the oceans, folks,” he added with a laugh. “Soon ‘shark attack’ might not be your biggest fear.”
This article is intended as an April Fool’s Day joke.
Source: The Newberg Graphic