1. We have our very own Christmas Ninja.
2. Her name is Spastic Kitten and the FDA has yet to approve a medication that can fix what's wrong with her.
3. Yesterday, I went with my sister (who is visiting from Arizona for the week of Christmas!), Paul, his wife Kelly, Myra, and her husband Ethan to see New Moon.
4. I was the only girl in the group who hadn't planned on seeing the movie when it came out.
5. It was better than the first movie.
6. Which wasn't hard to do since the first movie was le crap.
7. There were parts I enjoyed and all of those involved a certain werewolf. The CG was cool and Taylor Lautner's acting made up for K-Stew's total inability to emote. The two of them had chemistry on screen (through no fault of K-Stew, I can assure you) and that was nice. Plus Billy Burke's acting is always a treat. (He plays Bella's father.)
8. What wasn't as nice?
9. Emo Edward.
10. EMO. Edward.
11. Without a shirt.
12. Which, it turns out, is NOT his best look. (I can sum it up in two words: misshapen nippleage. Once seen, it can't be unseen. I may need therapy.)
13. Add a burgundy robe over shirtless Emo Edward and he looked like a young Hugh Hefner.
14. However, Paul had his gun (He has to be armed everywhere he goes. Part of the job.), and I felt reasonably entertained with the notion that any rabid Emo Edward fans could be dispatched with ease.
15. Plus, the gun isn't registered to me and I'm really good at looking innocent when the other option is spending life behind bars.
16. Speaking of Paul's status as a cop, he tried to pull me over after the movie.
17. Yes, he did.
18. Not because I was speeding. (Though he did make a ridiculous claim about me making a "California stop" at a red light while I was turning right. Totally bogus because everyone knows you can't afford to sit on your booty when there's a stream of oncoming traffic about to ruin your chances for a quick exit.)
19. He followed me, flashing his lights (which I ignored) and apparently even tried to call me (my phone was still on silent from the theater) because he wanted to give us our Christmas presents.
20. He caught up to me at the next red light where, since I wasn't trying to turn right in front of oncoming traffic, I was fully and completely stopped.
21. He pulled up beside me, got out of the car, and walked up to the window, already yelling.
22. I can only imagine what the cars behind me thought.
23. I warned Paul if he ever tried to pull me over I wouldn't stop.
24. I wasn't bluffing.
25. Until tomorrow, peeps!