Say Zaqatala 5X fast.

Located so close to the Georgian border you can smell the khachpuri, Zaqatala was the first stop on a recent 3 day trip. Typically set at the confluence of a couple of mountain rivers, Zaqatala is a pleasant enough village of 25,000 people. Except for the fact that there seems to be some sort of COW theme, with many of the walls looking like a stampede of Holsteins. So, after overcoming the fear of getting trampled to death, I was off on a mission to do some excellent touristing. But Zaqatala lacks any sights of note. Which makes it an excellent example of a typical Azerbaijani town

Seeing as tourist attractions were no where to be found, I immediately contacted a couchsurfer I had previously met in Baku. She's an American volunteer here (Peace Corps), and it was interesting to get her perspectives on life of a single, black, foreign female in small town Azerbaijan. We chatted over coffee and homemade Kalua (don't tell her neighbours) for a while. Even in the "scorching" heat (she's from Alaska) she felt it necessary to wear long clothes, so the locals don't take her for a "lady of the evening". She feels she has to make her own alcohol, because, as a woman, she can't buy it for herself. Plus many other joys of rural life. But she had to hurry off, so she pointed me in the direction of a couple of things to check out in town.

Arguably the coolest thing to see in town in the 18th century Russian fortress. Its famed door being the symbol of the small town. Built in the 1830s by the Russians, but it became famous only in the 20th century: it was used after the 1905 failed Revolution in Russia as a prison for the mutinous crew of the battleship Potemkin. However, seeing as it is currently occupied by the Azerbaijani army, it's TOTALLY off limits. Even taking pictures of it could land you in serious trouble. So, not being one to stir up the hornets nest, I headed for plan B. The Dada Gorgud is the best place in town to get your finger on the pulse of the city. It's an old central square where locals come to rest in the shade of 750 year old Cinar trees, drink tea and apparently stare at the tourists (a rare sight in these parts). It is much more lively at night, as it seems EVERYONE in town comes out to parade up and down the small square
Just off the square lie the ruins of a once mighty Georgian/Russian/an "unnamed country" church. It lies, completely abandoned, waiting like a backdrop of some horror film where everyone keeps saying "I'll be right back" and the girl with the big boobs dies first. But getting into the church is a challenge. It's locked away in a private courtyard. So, from the Old Square, look for the big blue doors next to the pink building. Either stand outside looking lost or politely knock on the door (it's usually latched). Someone will eventually let you in. Once inside politely ask to see the church, even if it means a serious of grunts and hand gestures. Then bust down the door in a Lara Croft type maneuver. Either that or just move the door aside. The inside isn't spectacular, but it's cool to check out the old Georgian/other country script (it all Greek to me). And with the right lighting, you might be able to get one of those, "I'm exploring the deepest darkest jungles of Africa" photos. Except without the jungles or the Africans. Upon leaving, be sure to leave everything the way you left it. For some odd reason, the locals don't ask for any money yet. And I've always been a firm believer that free is a fair price ;)

Other than that, there isn't much else to do. There's a park up on the hill in the North of town with a few Soviet era amusement park rides and tea houses. Plus there's a pretty new mosque near the bus station. Getting into town is easy, there are direct bus links to every city in the area for a couple Manat. There is also an overnight train to Baku, even though the train station is a taxi ride out of town. Above all, a visit to Zaqatala should not be one of ticking off lists of "been there, done that".