Dear Oscillating Fan,�
I commend you for your selfless efforts at keeping me comfortable. �No matter how hot it is, you patiently sit there and blow air at me without stopping to question the fairness of the situation. �You don't mind staying awake all night and all day, tirelessly blowing air on me. �Even when I trip over your cord, knocking you violently to the floor, you keep on faithfully doing your job. �
Sometimes I forget to unplug you when I leave the house. �You don't ever get upset about this. �You seem to simply assume that I want you to keep blowing on things, even in my absence. �
The other day, I thought it would be fun to see what happened when I stuck a piece of paper in you. �I wanted to see if I could make confetti. �I feel terribly guilty about this. �I don't know why I did it. �I shouldn't have amused myself at your expense. �You saw me coming at you with the paper and did not even flinch. �You trusted me, and I stuck a piece of paper in you and messed up your rotor. �I am sorry. �
When I realized that I had hurt you, I tenderly removed the mangled pieces of paper from your inner workings. �I told you I was sorry and you looked like you understood. �When I put you back together and plugged you in again, you started blowing air on me like nothing had ever happened. �I admire your extraordinary capability to forgive. �You are a good fan. �
I would like to do something nice for you, but I don't know what types of things oscillating fans enjoy. �I have had a couple ideas, but every time I ask you if you would enjoy them, you just shake your head. �I tried to surprise you by cooking you dinner, but you just spit it back in my face. �That was kind of rude, but I suppose I can forgive you because you are such an awesome fan. ��
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for being so nice to me. � If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. �
