Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entries

The results of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are now posted. "De gustibus non disputandum est," so I've selected a few of the "dishonorable mentions" rather than the winners of the categories...

Their relationship hit a bump in the road, not the low, graceful kind of bump, reminiscent of a child's choo-choo-train-themed roller coaster, rather the kind of tall, narrow speed-bump that, if a school bus ran over it, would cause even a fat kid to fly up and bang his head on the ceiling.
--Michael Reade, Durham, NC

On a lovely day during one of the finest Indian summers anyone could remember--a season the Germans call "old wives' summer," obviously never having had Native Americans to name things after, but plenty of old wives, and "Indian summer" in German would refer to the natives of India in any case, which would make even less sense than the current naming system--on such a day, however named, John Baxter fell in the creek and drowned.
--Deanna Stewart, Heidelberg, Germany

Previous Grand Prize winners include this classic from 1985:

The countdown had stalled at T minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery lips unmistakably--the first of many such advances during what would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my career.
--Martha Simpson, Glastonbury, Connecticut

My favorite submissions from the 2008 competition are here.