2. King Henry VIII (Pose-able!): How any toy maker thought it was a good idea to make England's most violent, unprincipled king look like a cross between a quarterback and the Burger King icon is beyond me.
3. The Lunch Lady: I noticed she doesn't come with wart removal cream. I think that's a serious oversight on the part of the toy makers, don't you?
4. Vanilla Ice: Yeah...no. Even during the 2.3 minutes of his ridiculous popularity...no.
5. Eddie & Bella: They're so...big. Really, really big. Like monster Barbies but without the wardrobe options. And where's the sparkle?
6. Michael Jackson: Look, I know this guy still has fans. Rabid ones, apparently. But still, don't you think a fan would want a more true-to-life doll? This one is missing his surgical mask and his skin looks dark. Plus, he still has a nose.
7. Osama Bin Laden: Yes, this isn't truly an action figure. Still, bobble-heads count. Sort of. What are you supposed to do with this? Use it for target practice? Put it in your car's back window so other drivers can use it for target practice instead?
8. Snoop Dogg: Look, everyone! It's Harvey Two-Face! Oh...wait. It's just a wanna-be gangsta with poor fashion sense and a belief that any two words in the English dictionary can be combined if one simply knows how to apply the letter "z."
9. Marie Antoinette: With. A. Removable. Head. I don't think anything else need be said.
10. Obsessive-Compulsive Man: I'd love to talk more about this one, but I need to straighten my keyboard and go wash my hands. Again. Be right back.
And, today only, a special bonus entry!
11. Tom Cruise: That's one way to achieve a colonoscopy.
