Dear George,
This is a serious matter and I need all your help as I’m close to losing my temper!
What could possible be in my human male’s mind to make him think he’s doing me a favor by DISTURBING my afternoon nap?
George, imagine this; I’m in a profound sleep, dreaming sweet dreams, and there he comes making some strange noises like “ciu-ciu-ciu” or “tzi-tzi-tzi” trying to hold me, kiss and pet me! He got this crazy idea that I’m his “daddy’s little girl” (see how well I trained him?) and he can’t live a minute not holding me.
I mean….I don’t mind to be his “daddy’s little girl” BUT ON MY TERMS, not his.
What does he think? Do I wake him up at noon? NO! I wake him up at 4 am – that’s when we, cats, want to play! Do I make some strange noises? No! I lick his face and kiss him. And…what do I get in return? His grumpiness – at 4 am.
Is this fair? Sometimes I even pretend I want to eat, but he won’t get up to serve me.
Some nerves he has! So, dear George, how can I make him stop waking me up at noon and making him play by my rules?
Love,
Fluffy
Dear Fluffy,
This is a claw and order issue. You need to administer punishment. Remember, as with all training issues, the punishment or reward must come within a second or two of the human behaviour. They are not bright. If you leave it for half a minute they will not understand that it is linked with their behaviour. So, as soon as he puts a hand on you, swiftly claw him. You will see from the comments below that Oscar Snuggles also uses this technique with skill. Claws work.
Is this kind to humans you ask? I always consider human welfare. Kindness to humans is a feline responsibility and I will have no truck with cruelty. Humans are in our care and it is important that, while as the superior species we put our own interests first, we should never wholly forget theirs. But as I see it, a well-trained human is a happy human. Allowing bad behaviour to go unpunished is simply to allow a good human to turn into a bad one. It is in their own interests to receive swift punishment when their behaviour is over the line.
Punishment works. After you have administered a swift and sharp scratch several times, the male human will think twice about harassing you when you are asleep. You have laid down a boundary for him. You have, by the scratch, communicated to him in clear body language what you require - sleep that is uninterrupted. You will see by his rapid withdrawal of the hand that he has got the message. Because humans are wilful and stupid, it may take two or three punishments before he finally understands, but, I assure you, he will...
As for his unwelcoming attitude at 4am in the morning, we cats require not just obedience but willing and instant obedience. However, this attitude of grumpiness is best dealt with not by punishment but by reward. Purring, nuzzling, and licking are very rewarding to humans. If you have properly become ruler of the household, the humans are in a submissive and appeasing mood state towards you. In the human-cat dyadic, you are top cat. When top cat purrs, humans are excited, pleased, even a little bit overwhelmed with sheer gratitude at our condescension. What we are aiming at is a human attitude of gratitude. Happy humans are grateful for any feline attention or kindness.
So, purr and claw does the trick. It's called operant conditioning and we cats do it all the time to our humans. Only they are so dim, they don't realise.
George
