Often described as the North Korea of Central Asia, Turkmenistan is a 'Stan unlike any of the others. Under the policies of, president for life, Saparmurat Niyazov (now deceased) a.k.a Turkmenbashi, Turkmenistan has become an ultra-controlled police state. Visas can be a challenge to come by. Transit visas are for a max of five days and tourist visas require 24-hour "tour guide" and pre-booking all accommodation and private transport. However, measuring a 10 on the megalomania metre, Turkmenistan is a surreal experience.From the Uzbek town of Bukhara, I grab a $5 shared taxi to the border. I met up with a very lost looking Japanese tourist so decided to help him along. Anticipations of a difficult border crossing were unfounded as we breezed through the Uzbek side. Problem was arriving at the Turkmen side at 12:00, lunch time. Just before they closed the door in our faces, i spotted a couple of foreigners on the other side. Knowing that they'd believe we were friends, they were nice enough to let us through. So with confused Japanese, Korean and French travellers, i arranged transport through Turkmenabat to our destination of Mary.
The drive took a few hours. The landscape - desert. But as we
approached the town of Mary, signs of irrigation became clear with greenery sprouting up through the sands. Mary is a pleasant enough town. It's a clean, fairly sleepy little place. There isn't so much to see or do in town. There's a new mosque being built, a couple of parks and... well... that's about it. We checked into a $1 hotel next to the bus station with all the amenities you could expect from a $1 hotel. And I set off to explore the town. After the 5 minutes it took to do that, we settled in for the night. In the morning, being a Saturday, we stumbled upon newly married
couples taking pictures at various sight around town. It's quite common for people in the region to do this. While the men were in regular suits, it was the women that were the real attraction for me. They wore traditional dress unlike any I'd ever seen. Completely covered faces meant they had to be led around by the new husband and perhaps a bridesmaid. The dress themselves were clad with what looked like 20kg worth of medallions and trinkets, jingling as the bride inched forward. There seemed to be a countless supply of new couple lining up to take pictures in front of the golden Turkmenbashi statue. This was probably the highlight of my trip as i love stuff like that.
Cultural ceremonies witnessed and documented, it was off to the
real attraction of the area. Merv origins are prehistoric: archaeological surveys have revealed many survivals of village life as far back as the 3rd millennium BC. The ancient town saw it's ups and down throughout history until about the late 18th century when it was permanently deserted. There are a few remains and ruins from various historical periods and it's still an active
archaeological sight with discoveries being made all the time. It's not like sights you might see in Uzbekistan. Merv requires a lot of imagination to picture how great the area once was. You'll definitely need private transport as the sight is huge. And a guide would be a good idea to explain exactly what it is you're looking at. The ticket booth is at Sultan Sanjar Mausoleum, so if you're a cheapskate avoid this place as there are no ticket checks at the other places in the Merv area. So after arguing with my "tag-along" backpackers on why they should pay, I decided to leave them and head on myself. So from Mary I headed to Turkmenistan's capital.
Ashgabat, the Turkmen capital, is weird. Wide boulevards, massive squares, huge government buildings and all of it devoid of life. There's usually no one in the streets, cafes are tough to find and some of the malls are empty. I met up with a couchsurfer i had arranged to stay with. Nice Turkish guy. I was a little late, so we got a quick bite out then home for the night.The next morning i was ready for some touristing. So I set out to the city
centre to witness Megalomania at it's best. First up was the Arch of Neutrality.Looking like a big rocket, it has an elevator which goes to the top for pretty good views of the city. But that's not the coolest thing. 
On top of the monument is another golden statue of Turkmenbashi. Wait... that's still not the coolest thing. The statue actual rotates, following the sun as it crosses the sky. How cool is that?! I totally want a statue of me that does that!! There are various government building and stuff in the large Independence square by the Arch, but careful when taking pictures of them. Guards might take your camera! At the base of the Rocket is another great monument. It was built in memory of a terrible earthquake that all 
but destroyed the city in 1948. But wait, that's not the coolest thing. On top of the monument is another golden statue of Turkmenbashi. Wait for it... it a statue of him as a baby being saved by an angel as if by Divine plan! Rumour has it there's a museum in the building below the monument, but it never seems to be open. There are several other monuments in the area to check out. A war memorial, a statue of Lenin and various other statues. The area is also the best place in town to people watch. The park land has benches with workers, teens and old men. It is perhaps the only location where people congregate. But the fun doesn't end there. Heading to hotel area in the south of town, there is more weirdness to be seen.In Independence Park the first thing you
come across is what is reportedly the largest fountain in the world. Behind the fountain is a mall in the shape of a pyramid. Wandering inside reveal a depressingly empty interior which is a complete waste of space. Sightly further south, through the parkland is possibly the most famous monument in the city. The Independence Monument can be seen on numerous unofficial coat of arms of the city. It's easily recognizable, just look for the giant plunger. In side is 
another museum, the Museum of Turkmen Values. It was closed when I visited, but i haven't heard good reports about it. Nearby is yet another golden statue of Turkmenbashi (title photo). I doesn't rotate or anything which is kind of a let down. But the armed guards and the Independence monument in the background make for a decent picture.Due to some planning, I was actually in Ashgabat during
Turkmenistan's independence day celebrations. Wicked cool! It was everything you'd expect from a former soviet republic. There were military parades with the smiling president waving approvingly from his balcony. Tanks and missile launchers and everything. And there were slight older and more traditional 
forms of transport as well. Turkmenistan is quite famous for it's horses and horsemen abilities. So there were couple of shows of that. There were floats depicting countless different industries including textiles, oil & gas, transportation and sport. I rather liked all the performers who were dressed in traditional clothing. I wasn't able to get close enough to the actual performances, but I was able to mingle amongst the people after they were done. There were girls in wonderful dress and guys in typical fur hats. It was still somewhat common to see men walking around wearing the hats. But as i was there during a warm spell, there weren't so many.
With my visa quickly running out, it was time to head to the port
city of Turkmenbashi to try to catch a ferry to Azerbaijan. Let me tell you, not the best experience. There's no schedule, you just go to the ferry terminal and hang out until the ticket office opens. They generally know if there will be a ferry on the day, but have no idea what time nor how many spaces are available. So after watching State-run propaganda TV for over 10 hours, the ticket office finally opened. A mad rush of people swarm the booth sharpened elbows fully swinging. Rumours started circulating that there weren't 
enough spaces to accommodate everyone. So in a performance worthy of an Academy Award, i started into a whole thing of "My visa's expiring" blah blah blah "dying grandmother" blah blah blah "flying pigs" and whatever else i could think of. While the pig comment might have been a little much, i got a ticket. Rooms were simple but adequate. I was adopted by the Turkish truck drivers who gave me tea, the Turkmen Babushkas ("grandmothers") who gave me Kolbasa while questioning my choice to be single, and Russian men who gave me vodka. It's important to have a balanced meal, I find. After 14 hours on crossing the Caspian Sea and another 7 hours anchored in the port of Baku, I finally docked. But that's another story...TIPS: Like Uzbekistan, the largest note is worth about $.60, so try note to change too much money at one time.
Always ask if it's o.k. to take photos of buildings. They will also be checked upon exit of the country.
I found people reluctant to have their pictures taken, probably paranoia of a controlling government. Be sensitive.
Always look for the quiet guy in the back when bargaining for transport. The guys who approach you will try to overcharge you, but the quiet guy usually gives you a fair price.
It can be tough to get ferry tickets. Just wave your passport in the air saying, "My visa will expire, my visa will expire!" And they'll jump you to the head of the line!
MY VIEW: It is extremely difficult to get a grip on a country when you only have a few days there and the general population is unwilling/unable to open up to foreigners. That being said, locals would try to help when they could. Even stopping their cars in the middle of the to ask if you needed anything.
It goes without saying that the degree of brainwashing has had serious effects on the people. The former president made his "Book of the Soul" mandatory reading for all students like Mao Zedong did his "Little Red Book". The media is all state controlled showing happy joy-joy pictures of the countryside. Strange award ceremonies are broadcast with an audience of zombies, who stare without moving. It is the only 'Stan that doesn't have visa partnerships with other CIS countries meaning the people never travel. Turkmenistan is rather closed off.
Life for people actually seems to be getting harder since Turkmenbashi died. The Manat (local currency) has seen considerable inflation without readjustments of prices. Petrol, currently $.20 a litre is 10 times the price it was a couple of years ago. And there are rumours that the free natural gas the population has will soon be charged. Foreign workers, mostly Turkish, are staying away due to these rising costs, leading to a diminished qualified workforce. Things aren't looking great economically, even with some of the biggest natural gas reserves in the world.
Still for the average tourist, most of this is not apparent and there are enough sight and odd megalomania to fill a few days, or if you can afford it, more time on a tourist visa.