The Panic Mouse: Possibly The Most Underwhelming £22.99 I Have Ever Spent On My Cats

The Panic Mouse is an electronic toy that was recommended to me by Alex, a nice vet in Liverpool who I interviewed on behalf of the Daily Telegraph Magazine about his overweight pets clinic. He showed me a film he'd made, which featured his own - rather portly - cat lost in the toy's rhythm, hurling itself athletically about while Alex and his partner watched TV. It looked like hours of fun and just over twenty quid seemed a reasonable price to pay to see my cats shaken out of their pampered ennui and prompted to do backflips around the living room, so I immediately ordered one.

To quote the product's promotional literature: "Revolutionary in design, its built-in computer board signals a battery-powered motor, creating random and unpredictable 'mouse-like' movements. More than just toys for cats, Panic Mouse interactive cat toys provide hours of fun for both pet and owner. The plastic wand bends and contorts, bouncing back to its original form. The illusive object of cat curiosity: An artificial fur pouch that feels and acts like a real mouse. Crazy, wild, and full of surprises, Panic Mouse cat toys are the much meowed-for answer for playful cats everywhere. Never a dull moment, Panic Mouse is there to keep your pet happy for hours on end."

As you will see below, The Bear, Ralph, Shipley, Bootsy, Janet and Pablo may beg to differ...